I have a confession that I have to make. It's really time, I think... I've been lying to a lot of people for many years now and events have come into place so that I can no longer keep up the facade. Please, please don't judge me.
I have brown eyes.
There, I said it. It's out in the open now!
I was born, like most babies, with milky blue eyes. I think a lot of people thought my eyes would transform into a kind of blue/green, like my dad's eyes. But no, they darkened. My eyes are brown, like my mom's and my sister's. Except not. I have on multiple occasions looked closely at my mom's and sister's eyes and they are a pretty light brown shade, almost green in the sunlight- close to hazel at times. Am I so lucky? No! My eyes are brown. Not "chocolate brown". Not a dark, "mysterious" brown. Brown. Like dirt. Fecal matter. Beavers!
Anyway, when I began to wear contact lenses, I jumped at the chance to wear the colored kind of lenses. The "Fresh Look" brand, if you're wondering. Over the years I tried like four different shades of blue lenses, grey, and finally green. I loved them all.
Unfortunately about two months ago I started having some issues. When I put in a brand new pair of contacts I had no problems, but when I put in a pair that I had worn already, put in solution, then back in the eyes, my left eye completely rejected the lens. It stung and itched and wouldn't stay in place and ended with either tearing or me taking it out because it was so annoying. Therefore, I have been wearing my glasses almost constantly. I like the ease of wearing glasses but I don't like how I look in them, so I knew it was time to go see my eye doctor. Optometrist? Ophthalmologist? Optician?
At the risk of giving away confidential medical information, I go to Dr. Hagen in Trinidad. I don't go often-only when necessary- but it seems like every time I go it's almost exactly the same: the cool, quiet office with the same faded, framed printouts of optical illusions and the locked display of expensive sunglasses on the wall. One of the receptionists who has been there a very long time always remembers my name and that I'm from Raton and that I'm connected with the ACE store there. There's the same small coffee table with the nearly obsessively straight stacks of almost-current magazines. And the carpet! How many medical offices do you go to that has carpet? Sure, maybe in the waiting rooms there will be a little carpeting- the very short, easy to clean stuff- but at Dr. Hagen's office there's this really thick nice carpet that runs through the entire building. Very luxurious!
Anyway following routine, one of the women who works there took updated medical information and left me alone in the exam room (with carpet!!!!)
I must pause here and be honest. Every time this happens in any doctors office I have to completely fight the temptation to go digging through drawers and playing with the medical equipment, especially in Dr. Hagen's office! He has this great humongous model of an eye and all these eye drops and little plastic things all over the office, not to mention all the crazy equipment he uses to check eyesight and eye health. I love just looking at the machines because they almost look like implements of torture.
Luckily I wasn't kept waiting long. Like just about everything else there, Dr. Hagen seems unchanged. Same bright clean doctor's coat and friendly demeanor. He checked my eyesight (got worse!) and after hearing my troubles got out this crazy eye measure-er thing I'd never seen before. Turns out, and I'm very sorry if this is like TMI and makes you uncomfortable to hear such personal things, but I have abnormally flat corneas. This, paired with the colored lenses I've been wearing all these years, is not good.
After talking options, I'm trying two new kind of lenses: one is good for my flat corneas and the other is good for continuous wear, since I hate putting them in and taking them out. I have an appointment in a week and I will then decide which I prefer. Neither, however, is colored.
I'm actually not that bothered. This may sound stupid and jokey but in all honesty my favorite thing about the colored lenses is that they are so hard to lose!
Right before I left, Dr. Hagen offered me those cheap, cardboard, dorky sunglasses since my eyes were dilated. I thanked him but turned them down, telling him I had some in the car. I actually had no intention of wearing them since it was kind of overcast today. But when I stepped out of the office I almost fell over. It was like staring at the sun! Eyes squinted shut, I blindly groped for the door handle of my car and jumped inside, panting. I dug around until I found an old dusty pair of sunglasses and wore them over my regular glasses, pointedly ignoring the looks I got from other drivers.
Anyway, next time you see me, whether I'm wearing glasses or contacts my eyes will be brown. It will be simpler in the long run, like when I renew my driver's license and they ask what color my eyes are. Nevertheless, I would appreciate your support. Love me and support me in this new life of truth and self-acceptance.
Hey, you know what I just realized? You know what is also brown? My dog! Maybe it's not so bad after all...
Sarah
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