For Chester.

If you know much about me at all, you'll know I am a suicide attempt survivor. And it BOTHERS me when I hear about someone committing suicide, whether or not I know them.

Today the world found out the Chester Bennington, lead vocalist for Linkin Park, was found dead from an apparent suicide.

I used to listen to A LOT of Linkin Park, and I still love them. Their album Meteora was released in 2003, back when I started to feel really really depressed and I could relate to a lot of the songs and lyrics. Powerful songs! People might scoff because it's so famous, but one of my favorite songs is "Numb", and I used to listen to it over and over because it's so GOOD!

I remember in the computer lab back in mid school, logging on to VH1.com (pre-Youtube AND most iPODs!) and listening to Linkin Park songs on headphones while doing keyboarding work. They were the first band I listened to that had a little bit of screaming in their vocals, and they opened me up to a WORLD of music I had never heard. I remember having Linkin Park t-shirts and feeling kind of badass wearing them.

In my head, I visualize depression and suicidal intent as this dark, sticky, greedy unstoppable mass that crawls and seeps and oozes and permeates and suffocates all the goodness in the world. It's dark because it bleeds all the light and color from a person's life. It's sticky because it's so powerful and hard to get out of, once you get in it. It sucks you in as deep as it can, and even if you get out, there will probably be a bit that clings to you for the rest of your days, reminding you. And it's greedy, because it desires and steals all the happiness and joy in your life, and it won't stop until it has succeeded, or even til it's stolen your life itself.

Well, you know what? I described depression as "unstoppable", but it actually isn't always. It is just so goddamn HARD to beat. But I beat it! I beat it because I asked for help. People helped me. Meds helped me. You cannot be afraid to ask! It doesn't make you weak or stupid.

And I know from experience that in that deep, deep sadness, it can be easy to forget how much you mean to other people. Sometimes it feels like you might be doing a favor to your loved ones. But take Chester as an example. He took his life and the whole world is hurting, most of them people who never even met him. So just think how much YOU mean to your loved ones.

Of course, I also know firsthand that when you hurt that incredibly bad, and you desire relief that much, that sometimes you don't care about your loved ones.

But PLEASE, take it from me, life gets so much better, if you can just hang in there and get help. 

Ask friends, ask family, ask a doctor, call 911 if you need to! We need to beat this AWFUL MONSTER, depression, once and for all! It needs to stop.

Sarah