Excuse the Pictures...

Today... I CLEANED!! I cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned. Then I cleaned some more. Before I gave it up for the day, I cleaned a tiny bit more.

What did I do? Well!

Before beginning, I put in my "Les Miserables" DVD for background listening. (Ah! Jean Valjean!) Then! I started in my bathroom, scrubbing the toilet and the shower and the sink, removing all bits and traces of hair dye possible. (It gets everywhere!) And speaking of hair dye, I gathered all the different bottles of dark and aqua blues and hot pinks and deep reds and rich greens and royal purples and put them in my special hair dye basket, which I then put away in a cabinet. I went through my collection of hair products and makeup and tossed out a bunch I never use. I stuffed away some spare hair ties and cotton balls and earrings in the cabinet behind my bathroom mirror. I grabbed my broom and swept up the floor carefully.... lots of dog hair! Otis likes to sleep on my bath mat sometimes. What can I say? She's a weird dog.

Next, I tackled the kitchen! I scoured the dirty dishes in my sink, and jammed them into their rightful places in my cabinets. I brushed all the crumbs and wiped the grease off my oven top, and put all my medicine bottles in the plastic tub I use as their home. I sanitized my cats' litter boxes and threw out a pile of trash. (Are those new bear-proof dumpsters tricky or what??) I dragged my kitchen table out of the nook it lives in and cleaned the whole space out, much to the displeasure of my cats, who were sitting on my window sills, stalking pigeons. I tidied up all the counter tops, returning cereal boxes and bottles of syrup to their rightful places among the shelves. Lastly, I retrieved my broom and swept up the entire kitchen! Crumbs and stray cat litter and random dog crunchers and MORE DOG HAIR.

After that, I tackled my living room! It was already pretty clean, but (to the further discontent of my cats) I ran my vacuum extensively. When I emptied the machine, I was greeted with, you guessed it! MORE DOG HAIR! And some bits of cardboard from my cat's mangled scratching post. I watered all my houseplants using empty vodka bottles that I can't bear to throw away.

(Okay! On a totally random tangent, a while back I found a picture of Alexi Laiho, the lead singer and guitarist of Children of Bodom and whom some people have said I resemble, holding a bottle of vodka that I OWN! I was so excited, I had to send the following pictures to my sister:

Aaaaaaand moving on!)

Finally, I took care of some odds and ends, like storing stray belongings in the basement and placing every clean bit of laundry I have in it's designated area.

And over the past few days, my sister has been an absolute trooper, helping my trim and control my overgrown back yard. It looks incredible!


...and WHY did I clean so extensively? you ask. Well...

MY MAMA'S COMING TO VISIT!! Yeah, that's right! My mom, step-dad Leo, and their Border Collies are driving across country to see us all on this side of the Mississippi. They are in Tulsa as we speak! And I. Cannot. Wait! My sister and I haven't seen our mom since New Years and we miss her like crazy! Emmy and I are even taking time off work. And now our houses are nice and clean for our guests! I gotta say, my place looks so spiffy, I really gotta keep this cleanliness up! I love it.

I'm sure next blog, I'll have lots to tell you about the visit!

WOO-HOO!!

Sarah

Life Makes Me So Sad Sometimes

I logged onto Youtube a little while ago and I was instantly met with a barrage of videos reporting on the terrorist attack on Nice, France. It happened pretty recently, so the death and injury tolls are not exact, but the reporters knew enough to say it was absolutely awful. They are sure that at least 80 have already died, and a great many more are injured. Apparently, there was a large truck just running innocent people down at the waterfront, where people were gathered to watch fireworks celebrating Bastille Day. When the truck stopped, the driver then jumped out and started shooting.

I have never been to France. I don't know anybody in France. But all the same, it just makes me sick! Especially in conjunction with what has been happening here in America lately. I mean, saying the shooting in Orlando was "horrible" is a gross, horrendous understatement. And just the general hate and violence that seems to be everywhere these days.

The cavalier disregard for life is just... staggering.

I know I have a somewhat unique perspective on life, being that I tried to end my own. I was very, very sick and depression just totally messes with your head. But as hateful and violent as I was to myself, I cannot envision ever feeling like that towards other people, let alone actually acting on it. I can't even imagine what would drive a person to be so full of hatred and intolerance, combined with the belief that it was their right to end the lives of other people.

 There is nothing that I can say on this blog that could possibly change anything. I haven't said anything that hasn't already been said a million times. But I'm still gonna say it.

As I said before, I don't personally know any of the Nice victims, or anyone in France. But it still BOTHERS me because I am human.

I haven't yet heard who is behind this attack on France. I don't know what they were trying to prove or accomplish. I know many people say that a lot of the world's violence has to do with religion. Well, I have admitted in the past that I am an atheist and so I can't contribute much to that discussion... all I'm saying is, maybe lets stop blaming our gods and just try to be the best PEOPLE we can be.

Right now I am sitting on my couch in my house with my air conditioner blowing the hot summer air away. My dog, my best friend, is fast asleep with her head on my foot. My cats are tearing around my house, skidding on my kitchen floor. It was my day off work today, and I haven't done much.. I had my monthly blood test done this morning so that I can keep taking my miracle medicine, Clozaril, which has made my life sooooo much better. I am surrounded by family here in Raton, and in just a few weeks, I will get to see my mom and my step-dad Leo, and I CANNOT WAIT!

I have a very good life, and every once in a while, it's good to take a step back and realize it!

Sorry you had to listen to me rant, it's just been building up in me for a long time, and I had to get it out.

My thoughts go out to France!

Sarah

HAIRVOLUTION

Last night I bleached my hair! I do so periodically before I dye it to make my hair color even more vibrant. But every morning that I wake up, look in the mirror and see my bleached hair, I do a raised eyebrows, gasp-y, hands-flying-to-my-scalp, "Whoa!" kinda double-take maneuver because it looks so weird. It looks like my hairline is receding or something. Don't believe me?

But I'm sure some people would say it's no better or worse-looking that way than when I color it the way I want to! Which is (currently, the exact colors change a lot) like this:

I know the first thing most people notice about me when first seeing me would be my hair. Quite understandably! It is quite conspicuous. Some people compliment me on it, a few tease me or laugh at me, and most say nothing at all. 

I KNOW it is not everyone's cup of tea. I know some people think it looks stupid, or too flashy. They think I do it to rebel or for attention, but they're wrong. I do it because it makes me feel prettier. I've been dyeing my hair for half my life now, and the brightness has become a part of me. 

When I was in 6th grade and was so depressed, everything in my life felt dark, and it made me want to appear as dark as I felt. I painted my fingernails black, and if my parents would have let me, I would have worn all black all the time, and dyed my hair pitch black and worn black lipstick.

Do you know what led me to dye my hair the first time? It was just a few weeks after my suicide attempt, and I had just gotten Otis, and I told my mom, "I feel different. Like I'm getting a new start to life. I wish I could do something to mark on the outside how I feel on the inside." And we agreed on hair dye! The first time, she took me to a hair salon in the Pueblo mall, where they gave me a light streak of red that faded out quickly. So! We bought a bottle of teal hair dye from Hot Topic and my mom started dyeing my hair at home- my mom started it, and then my sister helped me for a while, and my friend after that... I'm finally doing it myself! It's been just about every color. And, as the name of the blog is named HAIRVOLUTION, I will give you picture proof of my hair color evolution:

So I still wear black a lot... hey, shut up, it's my color! But now I wear green and gold eyeliner and wear blue jeans just about everyday. And most importantly, my hair has been every color of the rainbow, and seeing it bright and pretty makes me feel the same.

So when I look in the mirror and laugh at the odd bleached-effect, I know it's a small price to pay for having hair that makes me feel beautiful and the reminder that life is colorful too! Not always dark.

I have written before about my scars. (See?) There are some things about ourselves we can't change... and things we shouldn't! But I say if it's something little appearance-wise that you want to change about yourself, do it. My mom dyed her hair blue and she totally rocked it! I feel the same way about tattoos. If it is important to you, you should go for it.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU YOU!

Happy Thursday! (I'm off to dye! haha)

Sarah