Un-Adult

I am 25 years old. That's a quarter of a century! I can drink and vote and get tattooed and watch films with explicit content, if I so choose! When I was little, 25 sounded old. Like, old, old. But now that I'm here, I don't feel old at all. I feel incredibly young and immature! Just goofy at times. A lot of people I grew up with are married now, with kids, and here I am just trying to figure my own life out. I may be grown up-- older-- but I don't think that necessarily makes me an adult.

So... surprise! I have compiled yet another list! This time of immature behaviors that I can't seem to get rid of.

• I mercilessly tease and mock my animals. I can be just brutal. When my cats finish off the crunchers in their bowl and begin to yowl, I mimic their sad, helpless meows. That makes them even more distraught!.. until I feed them their Friskies Indoor Delights, and then they're perfectly fine. When Otis begins to whine because she wants something, I always say aloud, to no one in particular, in sort of a sing-song voice, "Otis is sad. Otis is crying. Otis is upset." And then she just tosses her pretty brown head and huffs. And then I just laugh and give her what she's whining for. What can I say? I'm a bad person to enjoy making fun of them.
  
• I... I drink directly out of the juice bottle from the fridge. Don't judge me! No one else living here drinks it.. why dirty a cup?
  
• Semi-recently, the redone version of "Beauty and the Beast" came out, and I bought a few of the catchy songs on iTunes. Well, I don't know how it happened exactly, but now every time the "Gaston" song comes on, I sing it to Sheldon, my cat. It really suits him! Here- here's the song. Now, every time they say "Gaston" sing "Shel-don." It's great! And it makes him so proud.
  

"As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!"

• I own (and, yes, ENJOY! Shut up!) both "The Swan Princess" and "Black Swan", which is interesting because they're based around the same story but are at totally opposite ends of the spectrum
  
• I have a vocabulary issue.. "CHECK!" It drives my sister nuts sometimes. This... incredible world is so useful, so all-purpose! It's basically an affirmative-type answer for ANYTHING! Such as:
  "Do you have your jacket?"
  "Check!"
  "I'll meet you over by the back door!"
  "Check!"
  "It's been a busy day..."
  "Check!"
  
• Up front at the store, we have a desktop calendar and I have spent HOURS staring at it, and more specifically, at the artwork on it. To me, it's one of those pictures that, the longer you look, the stranger it gets..
  

Just some major perspective and size-problems. And then weird stuff, like the van in bottom right corner of the second picture. I suppose it's supposed to be reflections of the setting sun, but it looks like the inside of the vehicle is engulfed in flames! And while it's nice to include a pregnant woman (top pic, bottom left) I think it's funny they have her car all crumpled up, and she looks so serene.

They're just weird pics. And I don't know if it's the writer in me, or just childlike boredom, but I find myself looking for stories in the picture. Trying to figure out who knows who, where they live, why. 

I'll let you know if I come to any decisions... I"ll be looking at it for another seven months!

Happy Wordsday Thursday!

Sarah

Dollars and Sense

I think we all know that our happiness is not dependent on money. Money cannot buy love or positivity... in fact, the best things in life are free! Case in point: both Otis and Mosey were absolutely free to me! But, I think we also all know that money can be fun occasionally... and it just makes life easier sometimes. Unfortunately it's just an essential part of life. Case in point: paying for my animals getting fixed, and buying my cats' favorite food, Friskies Indoor Delights. And, you know, food and gasoline and medical bills and stuff.

Anyway, as you know, I aspire to being a famous writer one day. Not just for fame and fortune, but because it's what I love. I want to tell important stories to the world. But I often wonder, if I ever achieve my goals, and I make a sizeable amount of money, how would I spend it? What will I put priority on? What will be important to me?

So! For fun! Though I am nowhere near this point now, the following list is what I imagine I would (and may one day!) spend my fortune on..

• I will buy plane tickets to West Virginia any damn time I miss my mom and want to see her!
  
• Any time I am checking out at KMart and I am given the option of donating a few dollars to a worthwhile charity, I always, always will! (I already do that at Petsmart) In fact, I will chose the maximum!
  
• I will travel to places like Finland, to see Lake Bodom, and New Zealand, to see the filming locations of the Lord of the Rings films.
  
• During Christmastime I will carry wads of cash to give away to the bell-ringing Santa Clauses.
  
• I will spoil my family rotten! I will buy my dad cool cars and a huge kitchen and I will buy my mom a castle-like chicken coop, along with a bunch of baby ducklings and a pond for them to live in. Whether she likes it or not, I will insist on dragging my sister with me, everywhere I travel, and I will pay her for her time.
  
• I want to help pay college tuition for just about everyone I know and like.
  
• I will allow myself to purchase obscene amount of perfume. And books! Especially books! I dream of one day going to Barnes&Noble and not having to pick the ones I want most from a huge stack.
  
• I will hire a housekeeper because I am the worst cleaner in recent history.
  
• Humane Society, Humane Society, Humane Society
  
• I will build Otis a full-size pool in our backyard
  
• I will give back to the scholarships that helped me out.
  
• I will see the world, with my sister! I know she has aspirations to travel, AND I am far too much of a wimp to go by myself.. not to mention I'd miss her too much
  
• I will try to meet celebrities like Paul Giamatti and Tom Hiddleston and Jason Isaacs, and knowing me, I will turn bright red and be far too shy to speak to them.
  
• This is a weird one, but I'd like to be able to help out Raton. I don't want our little town to dry up and fly away!
  
• I will no longer have to be a cashier, but I will NEVER forget what it's like to work as one.
  
• I will just be happy. WHETHER OR NOT I MAKE IT as an author. I am a lucky person with a great family, and even if I accomplish none of the above, I will still live a great life.

I put at the beginning of this blog "What will I put priority on?" 

Suffice it to say, I think my priorities will always be the same! Family and pets and love. What is important to me now, will still be important to me.

Happy Thursday!

Sarah

As If I Needed Another Hobby

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Some of the following pictures and videos might make some people a bit queasy! It's all fake and for fun, but it is realistic!

I love YouTube. I love YouTube so much. You can watch cat videos and band-interviews and news reports and supernatural occurrences and god-awful music videos and my new favorite...

SPECIAL EFFECTS MAKEUP HOW-TO VIDEOS

I will say, I have always loved watching makeup tutorial videos (the normal kind) even though I rarely wear much makeup...you see, when it comes to me getting up early and getting pretty vs. going back to bed, really it's not much of a choice for me. But! Semi-recently, I came across a NEW kind of makeup tutorial... the special effects kind!

What I mean by Special Effects (SFX) makeup is using makeup products to make fake bruises and cuts and burns and applying prosthetics. THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE!! And I find it absolutely fascinating. Not the gory part, just the crazy, creative art to it all.

To give a little example of the videos I have been watching, here is a very basic one from probably my favorite YouTube SFX makeup teacher, Mykie from Glam&Gore. As the name of her channel implies, she does tutorials on beauty makeup AND the gross, gory stuff. She's pretty awesome and talented.

Seriously, she is amazing. I could watch (HAVE WATCHED) her videos all day.

Anyway, after watching and watching and watching these videos, I finally couldn't TAKE IT any longer! I had to try it myself.

So I went online and got some very basic SFX stuff: liquid latex, rigid collodion, scar wax, etc. and got some basic supplies like sponges and cotton balls from KMart. That, in conjunction with basic makeup I already owned, gave me a great base to start with... and I have been playing non-stop! Every time I try a new look, I send my sister pics of it right away... and now, YOU get to see some! :) Don't judge me, I am a novice.

The first one I tried was the Joker's scars from "The Dark Knight", minus the clown makeup on top. I just used the rigid collodion, which tightens and puckers the skin, making the impression of a deep scar. It peels right off, but looks pretty amazing after a few coats!

Next, I tried a burn! I just used several coats of liquid latex and some blush and eyeshadows I own. And it was (if I do say so myself) quite believable! I hoodwinked my sister and several people on Facebook:

BUT! Yes, it was quite fake... the latex peels right off!

Then I did an extreme knuckle scrape, complete with wax knuckle protruding from the hand (GNARLY!!!)

THEN! A scar-wax facial laceration! Ignore the absurd facial expression

Finally! I got in a fight with a werewolf..

Hahahahaha!! By far, the worst one because of how the latex/cotton does not blend with my skin. But like I said, I'm a beginner! Latex and cotton is a SFX basic so I'll work on it.

However, now that I am immersed in this world, I want to dig deeper! I am saving up to buy some 3rd Degree silicon (which will make my wounds much more realistic!!) and alcohol-activated paint palettes to play with... believe me, you will be seeing lots more!

And feel free to chip in financially! Haha just kidding. Sort of. ;)

By the time Halloween rolls around I will be READY TO GO!!

And no, I'm not in it to become a professional makeup artist... if I get my way, you WILL see my books in bookstores. But having a stupid side hobby can't hurt anyone!

Thank you for humoring me!

Sarah

Medical Protocol

Well, well! I have been MIA for quite a while now, haven't I? Forgive me! I have a thousand excuses, but none of them are particularly good..

"I've just been so busy with work!" (who isn't?)
"I have such a crazy social life!" (flat-out lie)
"I have to keep a close eye on my puppy, or else he'll chew my house apart!" (okay, that one's true)

But I miss blogging, and think it's a good mental-exercise that helps with my creative writing.

So, if you've read my blogs for a while, you will know that I have seen my fair share of doctors: psychiatrists, general practitioners, specialists, Dr. Phil DVR'd on TV, you name it! Even in one case, where I met with a cranky and surly older man (his office covered in his ex-wife's artwork) over some strange bloodwork. And that's been the case from very early on, when I first had problems with asthma and allergies. Now the dysfunction tree has branched out all over the place! Blood clots and orthodontists and Dr. House, oh my!

And because of all this experience, I have compiled the following list of tips and tricks to keep in mind when seeing your doctor! No need to thank me.. I'm happy to help.

• Let's start with the basics! My doctor here in town has told me multiple times, "Sarah, bringing ALL of your medicine bottles with you when you come to see me is like the 11th commandment, okay?" And dammit, I surely do! I pack up all my bottles into an old plastic KMart bag and head into the doctor's office, looking like an odd kid on a field trip with a very strange and specific packed lunch.

• This is pretty universally known, but BRING READING MATERIAL!! Or, these days, your smart phone with internet access and games. Yes, most doctor's offices have celebrity gossip magazines and esteemed medical journals, but the medical stuff can be dry and long winded, and the celeb magazines are usually from 18 months prior to your appointment.
  
• If the previous suggestion doesn't sound so appealing, I highly suggest you look for some sort of kid's-corner, which many doctor's offices have. I don't really recommend the toys, which are usually old and coated with a mysterious sticky substance, but look for coloring books! They are usually covered in angry crayon squiggles and passive-aggressive words in the margins... always interesting! Plus, the story-lines of these coloring books can be quite captivating. I remember reading one about "Prince Kroma", a very muscular young man with an army of horse-riding followers, all wearing loincloths and decorative head-gear. It was almost like the Riders of Rohan, only weird and uncomfortable.
  
  
  
  
  
• TOTALLY not saying this from experience, 'cause I would NEVER! but, some offices have little radios in the corner, playing soothing muzak.. and the people who work at the office usually frown upon patients trying to change the channel. Food for thought!
  
• Pay careful attention to waiting room decorations... they tell you more than you know! For example, I went to one doctor for a while, and he had a large aquarium. But, every time I went to see him, there were fewer and fewer fish! Until, finally, the aquarium was replaced with a couch. Looking back now, maybe it was an omen! The doc couldn't keep his fish alive, and he didn't do a great job with me, either...
  
• When it is time for the nurses to take your vitals, it is considered polite and helpful to just go ahead and remove any hoodie or jacket you are wearing, so they can take your blood pressure more easily. Also, it's a good idea to empty your pockets before stepping on the scale! Way back in mid-school, when I wore bondage pants every day, I once went in for a checkup and everyone was surprised by the significant amount of weight I had gained in a very short time! Well, it helped to take the two full bottles of Mountain Dew out of one huge pocket, a portable CD player out of another, and then an array of smaller items all stuffed in one pair of pants. True story!
  
• Once in the exam room, pawing through drawers and cabinets is frowned upon, but there is plenty to keep you busy! Why, at a recent doc visit, there was a huge chart on the wall that explained the differences of bowel movements, complete with illustrated examples, from diarrhea to constipation. Fascinating! Not to mention, there are usually some anatomical models around, like a pair of lungs with bronchitis, or a model of a swollen prostate.
  
• While it can seem sad that when you visit your doctor, all the nurses and secretaries know your name and ask about your family, there ARE perks! Sometimes when I get blood taken... I GET TO CUT IN THE LINE!! Shhhhh....

I promise to start writing more! It's just what the doctor ordered...

Haha! Goodnight everyone, Happy Thursday!

Sarah