As my first blog after one of the biggest, craziest elections of all time, what ELSE would I talk about except...
THE CHRISTMAS CAROL!!
Haha! I (and the majority of America) am absolutely sick of politics, and I have no inclinations whatsoever to discuss them in this blog. Instead... happier things!
In this year's upcoming Christmas Carol, my sister and I have been cast as the Charwomen, two ladies of questionable morality, robbing Scrooge's home and dead body of whatever they can get their hands on. It is one of the few comedic scenes in the play, and there aren't many lines, so it is ideal for me. Also, since it is my sister and I, we work well together and have come up with some silly things to do and say in our little part.
Tonight was the Charwomen's first real rehearsal, and we showed up at the Shuler about 6:00. We were the first ones to rehearse and it didn't take long, but we were in the theater long enough for me to get nostalgic. I know I make fun of Raton a lot, and usually for good reason, but I have to say, one of the best thing about this little town is the Shuler Theater. It's old and beautiful, and I am so glad that I've been able to see and experience it from top to bottom, inside and out. I've been in several productions, and band performances, so I've been onstage a decent amount. But I've also been up in the lighting booth, all over backstage and downstairs, up in the costumes department, and once, even in the men's bathroom!
I remember the year we put on Miracle on 34th Street especially, because I was so involved in helping backstage and up in the lighting booth, where I ran the spotlight. Since I did so much that year, I also had some unusual opportunities, like being in the theater when almost no one else was. I went in one wintry afternoon to touch up some scratches on the stage with black paint, alone except for one or two people in the far-off front office. I stood on the stage, listening to the bitter cold wind howling against the tall building. The lights were up and bright and I stood center stage, looking out into the empty audience. I felt... powerful. There's no better way to put it.
After I finished touch-ups and cleaned the paint brush, I lowered myself into the pit where there is one lone piano. I pushed up the keyboard lid and let my fingers brush against the keys. Down on the bass end of the piano, I began to play the bottom part of "Heart and Soul", the chords ringing out all through the empty theater, over the vacated seats, up to splash against the ornate painted ceiling.
I love the feeling of getting the show's set up and together, and hearing the dull roar of a full audience chatting before a performance. It's a cool sensation to be downstairs below the stage, actors laughing and talking and applying their obligatory stage makeup.
We are lucky to have some REALLY talented people here in Raton! Great actors and beautiful voices, and I think this year's production of A Christmas Carol, directed by Clint Henson, is going to be great!
There's something about Christmastime shows that really get me in the spirit. Please come out to support us! :)
Happy Thursday!
Sarah
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Sarah on Sports
Last night, my sister and I went up to our Dad's house to watch the CMAs on TV. None of us are huuuuuuge country fans, but it was fun to watch all the performances, and all three of us knew more country stars than we thought! But every couple of ads, our Dad had us switch the channel over to the World Series... Indians vs. the Cubs! And as soon as the CMAs ended, we switched right back to baseball. It was the top of the 10th inning and things were close! My sister and I had been planning on heading straight home, but we got caught up in the game and stayed to watch. I'm glad we did!
I am not.. sporty. Not athletic. The only sport I feel comfortable discussing is Quidditch. I was once on a kids basketball team, and I was terrible. Every time I was passed the ball I ended up stepping out of bounds. And even worse, I was once in a small-kid soccer league, and I had NO IDEA what was going on. My game plan was to follow the group of kids running and hope to God the ball wouldn't come anywhere near me. On the unfortunate occasions that I couldn't avoid the ball, I kicked it as hard as I could. In any direction. And the kids on my team hated me.
Lately, my sister has been diligently and patiently teaching me the rules of football... I am a bad student! But I'm making progress. It's funny, all the 20-odd years I've been going to football games, I somehow managed to never learn the rules! I either brought a book or busied myself with people watching and trips to the concessions stand.
But even though I'm no sports fanatic, it doesn't mean I don't like them! I'm enjoying football more now that I understand it better, and I like watching the ads during the Super Bowl. I don't mind watching a little golf because I like to do the golf clap, and I make fun of the golfers. I call Phil Mickelson, Mick Phillison, and I like when Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy wear bright outfits and silly golf-pants. I like watching basketball because even though I was terrible, somehow I always somehow pictured myself as the next Michael Jordan. Ahh, to be young and delusional! Watching baseball reminds me of my dad and going to Sky Sox games in Colorado Springs as a family. My sister and I always like to laugh at the players "at bat" songs they pick. Once one guy picked a Miley Cyrus song and we suspected he got a lot of shit for that. Some of my earliest memories are being afraid of Sox the Fox, and being coached to yell "HIT ME THE DAMN BALL!!"
So last night after the CMAs, we watched the last inning of the final World Series game, and I'm so glad we did! Our Dad showed us the tricky board that shows what inning it is, and how many outs, etc. And he pointed out the Indian's coach chewing gum like a madman. And we watched history being made! The Chicago Cubs won the World series for the first time in 108 years! The interviews with the players were really cool and sweet, because it was obvious how much it meant to them. And Dad pointed out all the players heading to the locker room, wearing goggles, ready to pop some champagne!
That was it for baseball this year, but with all this football coming up, coupled with my sister's tenacity, I'm sure to be an expert in no time!
Sarah
P.S. There were so many political ads on that night, it was sickening. WE ARE SO CLOSE
Also, click here to see another sports blog I wrote, in much more detail
I am not.. sporty. Not athletic. The only sport I feel comfortable discussing is Quidditch. I was once on a kids basketball team, and I was terrible. Every time I was passed the ball I ended up stepping out of bounds. And even worse, I was once in a small-kid soccer league, and I had NO IDEA what was going on. My game plan was to follow the group of kids running and hope to God the ball wouldn't come anywhere near me. On the unfortunate occasions that I couldn't avoid the ball, I kicked it as hard as I could. In any direction. And the kids on my team hated me.
Lately, my sister has been diligently and patiently teaching me the rules of football... I am a bad student! But I'm making progress. It's funny, all the 20-odd years I've been going to football games, I somehow managed to never learn the rules! I either brought a book or busied myself with people watching and trips to the concessions stand.
But even though I'm no sports fanatic, it doesn't mean I don't like them! I'm enjoying football more now that I understand it better, and I like watching the ads during the Super Bowl. I don't mind watching a little golf because I like to do the golf clap, and I make fun of the golfers. I call Phil Mickelson, Mick Phillison, and I like when Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy wear bright outfits and silly golf-pants. I like watching basketball because even though I was terrible, somehow I always somehow pictured myself as the next Michael Jordan. Ahh, to be young and delusional! Watching baseball reminds me of my dad and going to Sky Sox games in Colorado Springs as a family. My sister and I always like to laugh at the players "at bat" songs they pick. Once one guy picked a Miley Cyrus song and we suspected he got a lot of shit for that. Some of my earliest memories are being afraid of Sox the Fox, and being coached to yell "HIT ME THE DAMN BALL!!"
So last night after the CMAs, we watched the last inning of the final World Series game, and I'm so glad we did! Our Dad showed us the tricky board that shows what inning it is, and how many outs, etc. And he pointed out the Indian's coach chewing gum like a madman. And we watched history being made! The Chicago Cubs won the World series for the first time in 108 years! The interviews with the players were really cool and sweet, because it was obvious how much it meant to them. And Dad pointed out all the players heading to the locker room, wearing goggles, ready to pop some champagne!
That was it for baseball this year, but with all this football coming up, coupled with my sister's tenacity, I'm sure to be an expert in no time!
Sarah
P.S. There were so many political ads on that night, it was sickening. WE ARE SO CLOSE
Also, click here to see another sports blog I wrote, in much more detail
Thursday, October 27, 2016
This Will Not Surprise You
I LIKE TATTOOS.
Well, a lot of them, anyway. All of mine, certainly! I mean, I once saw a rough-looking guy with "FUCK ALL YOUS BITCHES" tattooed on his forearms, in the doctor's office waiting room, of all places! I didn't particularly like that one, although I'm sure there was an... interesting story behind it.
And when it comes to tattoos, I know I'm not alone! Especially people around my age.. we've really grown up seeing them on on actors, musicians, friends, siblings, parents. You know, Pocahontas had one, and so did most of the Spice Girls!
I think to my generation, tattoos are common enough that we don't see the... extremity of them, just their individuality, their creativity. To me, they are just another form of expression, a way of showing the world something is important to us. The saying "Wearing my heart on my sleeve" has now become "Wearing my love in my skin." Well, mostly! The guy in the doctor's office was obviously going in a different direction.
But I also know some people don't really like tattoos at all. And that's okay, too. Absolutely! I know a lot of my family members would fall into this category. Sometimes I just wish I could show you tattoos through my eyes! They are a way to celebrate, to mourn, to love, to learn, to change. And I don't bring this up so that you want to go out and get tattoos, of course not! I just wish I could explain it so you might understand why it is I love them, and love getting them.
This totally surprises me, but at 24, I already have moments when I think, "Those kids today! They do the weirdest things!" even though I'm only a few years ahead of them. These kiddo's fascination with Justin Bieber, I will never get. Or shaving off half their eyebrows. Or eating "McNasties" at McDonalds. I can only figure this is what some older generations think about tattoos. Or dyeing our hair or piercing our bodies in odd places.
I am very family-oriented, and I HATE disappointing my family and making them mad at me. Getting tattoos shouldn't make them angry, but I worry that it will... I just hope they know that me getting tattooed is never to hurt them, but to feel better about myself.
And I have devised a plan! A creative, effective plan! As I have written previously, I am working on my first book. I originally gave myself a deadline of Christmas this year to finish writing, but then I went and got blood clots in my lungs and, later, had to change some of my meds around. Excuses, excuses, I know! Well, I decided that only after completing the book will I allow myself to get any more tattoos. It's been about 6 years since my last one! And what strange things will I someday be tattooing? you ask. Strange things like my Otis' pawprint, of course! :) And different sayings and symbol that are important to me. Nothing crazy, or in crazy places. Just things I can look at and smile.
Like my crazy hair, my tattoos are just another way I feel unique and individual and attractive.
Well, a lot of them, anyway. All of mine, certainly! I mean, I once saw a rough-looking guy with "FUCK ALL YOUS BITCHES" tattooed on his forearms, in the doctor's office waiting room, of all places! I didn't particularly like that one, although I'm sure there was an... interesting story behind it.
And when it comes to tattoos, I know I'm not alone! Especially people around my age.. we've really grown up seeing them on on actors, musicians, friends, siblings, parents. You know, Pocahontas had one, and so did most of the Spice Girls!
I think to my generation, tattoos are common enough that we don't see the... extremity of them, just their individuality, their creativity. To me, they are just another form of expression, a way of showing the world something is important to us. The saying "Wearing my heart on my sleeve" has now become "Wearing my love in my skin." Well, mostly! The guy in the doctor's office was obviously going in a different direction.
But I also know some people don't really like tattoos at all. And that's okay, too. Absolutely! I know a lot of my family members would fall into this category. Sometimes I just wish I could show you tattoos through my eyes! They are a way to celebrate, to mourn, to love, to learn, to change. And I don't bring this up so that you want to go out and get tattoos, of course not! I just wish I could explain it so you might understand why it is I love them, and love getting them.
This totally surprises me, but at 24, I already have moments when I think, "Those kids today! They do the weirdest things!" even though I'm only a few years ahead of them. These kiddo's fascination with Justin Bieber, I will never get. Or shaving off half their eyebrows. Or eating "McNasties" at McDonalds. I can only figure this is what some older generations think about tattoos. Or dyeing our hair or piercing our bodies in odd places.
I am very family-oriented, and I HATE disappointing my family and making them mad at me. Getting tattoos shouldn't make them angry, but I worry that it will... I just hope they know that me getting tattooed is never to hurt them, but to feel better about myself.
And I have devised a plan! A creative, effective plan! As I have written previously, I am working on my first book. I originally gave myself a deadline of Christmas this year to finish writing, but then I went and got blood clots in my lungs and, later, had to change some of my meds around. Excuses, excuses, I know! Well, I decided that only after completing the book will I allow myself to get any more tattoos. It's been about 6 years since my last one! And what strange things will I someday be tattooing? you ask. Strange things like my Otis' pawprint, of course! :) And different sayings and symbol that are important to me. Nothing crazy, or in crazy places. Just things I can look at and smile.
Like my crazy hair, my tattoos are just another way I feel unique and individual and attractive.
Happy Thursday, guys!!
Sarah
Thursday, October 20, 2016
OTIS FOR PRESIDENT
As we all know, last night was the final televised Presidential Debate. I will admit, I have never before watched one in it's entirety. But last night, I DVR'd it, and watched it afterwards. I paused and jumped back a couple times, mostly in "Did they just say what I think they said?" incredulity.
But I am glad I watched it! It didn't change my mind, it just made me feel even more strongly about certain issues... and people. Ohhhh, I have strong feelings about some people! But last night made me totally and completely realize, while I certainly prefer one candidate over the other, I'm still not a huge fan of either! But what can we do, right? We're kind of stuck, right?
WRONG!
I would like to introduce you to the newest, brightest, bestest presidential candidate of our time... OTIS!
Otis is a United States citizen, born here in the great state of New Mexico (yes, it's a state, not a country). She was born in 2004, making her meet (in dog years) the age qualification. She is a powerful, passionate member of the Canine party. She was born into absolute poverty, but she overcame it! She once took a DNA test, and the results came up as incredibly varied... a rich cultural history, which is what this country is founded upon!
Some other presidential qualities...
- Otis is fluent in English and Dog-Speak, not to mention the bits of Spanish, Elvish and Dothraki she has picked up living with me.
- She is undeniably smart and capable, no doubt partly due to her superior brain AND when she was a baby, she occasionally got fed human baby formula, when the store was out of puppy milk.
- In response to health and fitness, Otis is an avid fan of walks, and encourages outdoor play, particularly with tennis balls and swimming pools. In fact, that is her presidential slogan:
LET'S GO FOR A WALK! - Otis has chosen for her vice president a long time family friend, colleague, and roommate, Amy! Amy is a cat, which speaks volumes about Otis' tolerance of other cultures.
- Otis has done extensive traveling, and enjoys meeting new people and getting to sniff around new places. When traveling by car, she enjoys sitting in the front seat instead of relaxing in the backseat: she is very hands (paws) on!
- Otis is absolutely and unequivocally a LEADER, not a follower. While she takes other's feelings into account, she is very headstrong and does not fold under pressure. For example, when told to "sit", she instead tosses her head at the idiocy of the person giving the command.
- As mentioned above, Otis had a rough start in life, abandoned as an hours-old infant. But her tenacity and unwillingness to ever, ever give up has made her a stronger dog.
- She has a tendency to rescue those in need, and all she asks in return is: food including hot dogs, a soft and warm bed to sleep in, a yard to explore, a clean bowl of water, WALKS, her daily arthritis pill, chew sticks, squeaky toys, tennis balls, plastic swimming pools in summer, heat sources in winter, a good occasional brushing, car rides, help hopping on top of things, lots of attention, and Chester, the incredible blue lobster toy. See? Not demanding at all.
- Otis is an incredibly fast learner! ...when she wants to be. Old dogs can learn new tricks, they just have to make the decision.
Are you not totally and completely convinced? I know I am! So on November 8th, go out there and vote! Write Otis' name on the ballot.
LET'S GO FOR A WALK WITH OTIS!!
Hahaha
Sarah
P.S. Thanks Emmy and Dad for your help brainstorming
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Facebook TBT... 2 YEARS WORTH
I had an appointment up in Pueblo today! I puttered around the mall a little (they've got a Halloween store open!), and I had to walk through Barnes & Noble, of course. But the most exciting thing was... I went to a movie by myself! Sound stupid? Maybe. But it felt like an accomplishment. I've never in my life gone to a movie theater by myself. I went to see... (drum-roll!)
SUICIDE SQUAD!! For the 4th time! What can I say.. I love it! And I found out that it won't be released on DVD until December sometime and I didn't want to wait that long before I saw it again. It originally came out over two months ago, and today in the theater, it was just me and some weird girl who went to the very back of the movie theater and slept the whole time.
After that, I drove back to Trinidad and met my sister and dad for Chinese food. Delicious!
I tell you all of this because I'm trying to sound like I have a super busy, crazy life and simply don't have the time to come up with good blog ideas. Ahem. Seeing as I didn't have ONE good creative blog idea, I decided to go back through my Facebook posts and share some of the funnier and more interesting ones, particularly the anecdotal ones. I shared one (see below!) the other day about a customer and his dog and a lot of people liked it. Stories of people are fun. Throwback Thursday!
October 12th, 2016
This afternoon I had an older man come in to buy some parts for a chainsaw. When he came up to the front counter to pay, he dug deep in his pockets and pulled out a handful of crumpled ones and fives, along with some loose change that clattered across the counter, and one thing more. You know the folders and binders that are really popular in grade school, the ones with the pictures of kittens and puppies in fields of flowers or fast asleep on the couch? Well, this man pulled out a similar little notepad with a fat fluffy puppy on the cover. I saw it and smiled.. who doesn't like puppies??? He followed my line of sight to the notepad and gave a quiet chuckle. He nudged it gently with his thumb and told me, "This is exactly what my dog looked like as a puppy. Mix of a German Shepherd and a Lab... smartest dog I ever met. He could spell! I'd tell him, 'Want some M-I-L-K?' and he would run over to the fridge. I'd say, 'Shh! Here comes a C-A-T!' and he would growl." He was quiet for a second, while internally I was awwwwww-ing like crazy. "Had him for 17 years," the man said. "I still miss him everyday."
So I just got home and hugged Otis for about five minutes, and kissed her nose, and told her she could never ever leave me. And then I gave her a H-O-T-D-O-G.
July 8th, 2016
If anyone ever needs proof that I'm a good person, tell them that today, at SuperSave, I pushed not only my own shopping cart, but also my father's shopping cart, and then some lazy stranger's shopping cart all the way to the cart return across the wet, soggy parking lot. You're welcome, world.
May 10th, 2016
Can I just admit something, please? I LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER. I am an awwwwwwful singer, but with no one around to mock me, I enjoy it. I have a rather... eclectic taste in music, so I have quite a variety of material to sing-- anywhere from Backstreet Boys' "The Call" to Lamb of God's "Omerta" (although that one is not so sing-y.) But every so often, I really feel like challenging myself...
May 4th, 2016
So I was just in Kmart getting some necessities, and a young woman approached me as I was digging through the $5.00 movie bin. "Do you work here??" she demanded, looking peeved.
"Um, no," I answered. Bewildered, I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing blue jeans, a black Star Wars T-shirt, and purple Crocs. I wasn't even wearing my ACE apron, which might throw people off.
"Oh, sorry," she said, turning pink. "I was gonna yell at you about your printer ink." She ducked her head sheepishly and turned away.
"No...problem," I managed.
I bent down to pick up the basket at my feet.
"Excuse me!" an older woman called. "Do you work here??"
"WTF!!" my subconscious squawked.
My brow furrowed. "No, sorry, I don't."
"Oh, okay," she said, looking embarrassed.
The man she was shopping with shook his head as they walked away. "No!! She works at ACE, remember?"
I texted my sister, dumbfounded. Her theory is that people recognize me from ACE, and, without thinking, assume I work there. My theory is that I just exude an air of authority.
Thoughts?
March 14th, 2016
Hi, Facebook people! I'm sorry I haven't posted much or been really active online lately... I've had a crazy few weeks! To make a long story short, I was sent to the ER where they found blood clots in my lungs and right leg, I was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Albuquerque, and I stayed there a few days while they did tests and started me on blood thinners. I am so happy to report that I am feeling fine and I am back home! I'll just be on blood thinners a while, plus I have to be on oxygen 24/7. I probably won't be online much for a while, but at the very least, when I feel up to it, I have plenty to blog about!! :) Thanks to everyone who has given support, visited me and checked up on me!
January 22nd, 2016
So! This is THE PRESENT! For my sister's birthday, I took a cheap Barbie doll and hand-made clothes to make her look like Pam Beesly from The Office. Easier said than done! I am no sewing master... I used a hot-glue gun! So I took handkerchief-size pieces of fabric, cut them into weird shapes, and glued them together. I cut and styled the Barbie's hair to look more like Pam's. I went to KMart and bought a little tiny pack of accessories to find shoes that look like Pam's white ones. Finally, because Pam is kind of pale, I white-washed the Barbie's skin with water and acrylic paint because the Barbie was a "beach" Barbie and was much too tan. Kind of dumb, but I am proud of the result!
January 9th, 2016
Question: what is it about humans vomiting that cats find so fascinating? Every time I puke I have a captivated audience
January 7th, 2016
I keep having bad dreams about showing up to Middle School Band rehearsals and having no knowledge of the music we are playing and no reeds for my clarinet. Note to subconscious: Mid School Band was TEN YEARS ago! Calm down!
December 25th, 2015
I think I hear Santa on my roof!! Either that or my festive neighbors with bad timing are setting off a bunch of fireworks...
December 7th, 2015
So for the third consecutive work day, I got totally busted jamming to the radio.. singing softly (and poorly), bopping around in a version of a dance. Black Sabbath, Taylor Swift, and "Feliz Navidad". What can I say? I have eclectic musical tastes
December 4th, 2015
What is it about homemade Christmas presents that has me spray painting outside at 10:00 at night, in 33 degree weather? I swear this happened to me last year, too...
November 22nd, 2015
Today I cleaned out my refrigerator. On the bottom shelf, towards the back, I found a burnable CD. I'm rather... puzzled
September 8th, 2015
If, like me, you ever lose track of your cats, all you have to do is:
A. Put out an empty cardboard box or
B. Try to make your bed up neatly.
I guarantee they will pop up out of nowhere
September 5th, 2015
Just saw the year's first Christmas ad on TV. September 5th... kudos, Kmart!
May 27th, 2015
SUICIDE SQUAD!! For the 4th time! What can I say.. I love it! And I found out that it won't be released on DVD until December sometime and I didn't want to wait that long before I saw it again. It originally came out over two months ago, and today in the theater, it was just me and some weird girl who went to the very back of the movie theater and slept the whole time.
After that, I drove back to Trinidad and met my sister and dad for Chinese food. Delicious!
I tell you all of this because I'm trying to sound like I have a super busy, crazy life and simply don't have the time to come up with good blog ideas. Ahem. Seeing as I didn't have ONE good creative blog idea, I decided to go back through my Facebook posts and share some of the funnier and more interesting ones, particularly the anecdotal ones. I shared one (see below!) the other day about a customer and his dog and a lot of people liked it. Stories of people are fun. Throwback Thursday!
October 12th, 2016
This afternoon I had an older man come in to buy some parts for a chainsaw. When he came up to the front counter to pay, he dug deep in his pockets and pulled out a handful of crumpled ones and fives, along with some loose change that clattered across the counter, and one thing more. You know the folders and binders that are really popular in grade school, the ones with the pictures of kittens and puppies in fields of flowers or fast asleep on the couch? Well, this man pulled out a similar little notepad with a fat fluffy puppy on the cover. I saw it and smiled.. who doesn't like puppies??? He followed my line of sight to the notepad and gave a quiet chuckle. He nudged it gently with his thumb and told me, "This is exactly what my dog looked like as a puppy. Mix of a German Shepherd and a Lab... smartest dog I ever met. He could spell! I'd tell him, 'Want some M-I-L-K?' and he would run over to the fridge. I'd say, 'Shh! Here comes a C-A-T!' and he would growl." He was quiet for a second, while internally I was awwwwww-ing like crazy. "Had him for 17 years," the man said. "I still miss him everyday."
So I just got home and hugged Otis for about five minutes, and kissed her nose, and told her she could never ever leave me. And then I gave her a H-O-T-D-O-G.
July 8th, 2016
If anyone ever needs proof that I'm a good person, tell them that today, at SuperSave, I pushed not only my own shopping cart, but also my father's shopping cart, and then some lazy stranger's shopping cart all the way to the cart return across the wet, soggy parking lot. You're welcome, world.
May 10th, 2016
Can I just admit something, please? I LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER. I am an awwwwwwful singer, but with no one around to mock me, I enjoy it. I have a rather... eclectic taste in music, so I have quite a variety of material to sing-- anywhere from Backstreet Boys' "The Call" to Lamb of God's "Omerta" (although that one is not so sing-y.) But every so often, I really feel like challenging myself...
May 4th, 2016
So I was just in Kmart getting some necessities, and a young woman approached me as I was digging through the $5.00 movie bin. "Do you work here??" she demanded, looking peeved.
"Um, no," I answered. Bewildered, I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing blue jeans, a black Star Wars T-shirt, and purple Crocs. I wasn't even wearing my ACE apron, which might throw people off.
"Oh, sorry," she said, turning pink. "I was gonna yell at you about your printer ink." She ducked her head sheepishly and turned away.
"No...problem," I managed.
I bent down to pick up the basket at my feet.
"Excuse me!" an older woman called. "Do you work here??"
"WTF!!" my subconscious squawked.
My brow furrowed. "No, sorry, I don't."
"Oh, okay," she said, looking embarrassed.
The man she was shopping with shook his head as they walked away. "No!! She works at ACE, remember?"
I texted my sister, dumbfounded. Her theory is that people recognize me from ACE, and, without thinking, assume I work there. My theory is that I just exude an air of authority.
Thoughts?
March 14th, 2016
Hi, Facebook people! I'm sorry I haven't posted much or been really active online lately... I've had a crazy few weeks! To make a long story short, I was sent to the ER where they found blood clots in my lungs and right leg, I was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Albuquerque, and I stayed there a few days while they did tests and started me on blood thinners. I am so happy to report that I am feeling fine and I am back home! I'll just be on blood thinners a while, plus I have to be on oxygen 24/7. I probably won't be online much for a while, but at the very least, when I feel up to it, I have plenty to blog about!! :) Thanks to everyone who has given support, visited me and checked up on me!
January 22nd, 2016
So! This is THE PRESENT! For my sister's birthday, I took a cheap Barbie doll and hand-made clothes to make her look like Pam Beesly from The Office. Easier said than done! I am no sewing master... I used a hot-glue gun! So I took handkerchief-size pieces of fabric, cut them into weird shapes, and glued them together. I cut and styled the Barbie's hair to look more like Pam's. I went to KMart and bought a little tiny pack of accessories to find shoes that look like Pam's white ones. Finally, because Pam is kind of pale, I white-washed the Barbie's skin with water and acrylic paint because the Barbie was a "beach" Barbie and was much too tan. Kind of dumb, but I am proud of the result!
January 9th, 2016
Question: what is it about humans vomiting that cats find so fascinating? Every time I puke I have a captivated audience
January 7th, 2016
I keep having bad dreams about showing up to Middle School Band rehearsals and having no knowledge of the music we are playing and no reeds for my clarinet. Note to subconscious: Mid School Band was TEN YEARS ago! Calm down!
December 25th, 2015
I think I hear Santa on my roof!! Either that or my festive neighbors with bad timing are setting off a bunch of fireworks...
December 7th, 2015
So for the third consecutive work day, I got totally busted jamming to the radio.. singing softly (and poorly), bopping around in a version of a dance. Black Sabbath, Taylor Swift, and "Feliz Navidad". What can I say? I have eclectic musical tastes
December 4th, 2015
What is it about homemade Christmas presents that has me spray painting outside at 10:00 at night, in 33 degree weather? I swear this happened to me last year, too...
November 22nd, 2015
Today I cleaned out my refrigerator. On the bottom shelf, towards the back, I found a burnable CD. I'm rather... puzzled
September 8th, 2015
If, like me, you ever lose track of your cats, all you have to do is:
A. Put out an empty cardboard box or
B. Try to make your bed up neatly.
I guarantee they will pop up out of nowhere
September 5th, 2015
Just saw the year's first Christmas ad on TV. September 5th... kudos, Kmart!
June 12th, 2015
Damn it, InGen! When will you learn you cannot successfully make a dinosaur-based theme park?!
May 27th, 2015
Gotta love family trips to the liquor store...
April 29th, 2015
One of the coolest scenes from one of the best movies ever! Made even cooler since Children of Bodom used parts of this requiem in their song "Red Light in My Eyes, Part 2!" I need to watch this movie again!
April 17th, 2015
Just now I was outside with Otis, throwing her tennis ball. She started digging in the soft, damp earth and I scolded her, "Don't dig up the yard! You're not a gopher." As soon as I uttered the word "gopher", she stopped mid-dig and stared at me with rapt attention. Bewildered by her odd reaction, I tried the word again. "Gopher...?" She tossed her head excitedly and ran across the yard to look me in the eyes. It took me a solid 5 minutes to figure out that when I say "gopher", like the burrowing rodent, she hears "go for", as in "go for a ride" or "go for a walk." I need to work on my enunciation...
April 1st, 2015
Just now I was outside throwing a tennis ball for Otis and a small white feather, carried by a light breeze, circled slowly in the air before gently landing next to me. I had the strong urge to tuck it into an old copy of Curious George! I don't have one here, but surely another good book will do! After all, this may be the start of my story :)
March 25th, 2015
I made this for Elizabeth Record :) It's a riddle! Haha! A very easy riddle...
March 7th, 2015
Last night I was getting ready for bed and I put Otis outside while I brushed my teeth. I took a big swig of mouthwash and swished it around while I let Otis back inside. That was when I hit my heel hard on the metal doorframe, scraping off skin and drawing blood. Normally I would have shouted and cursed because it hurt! But my mouth was full of Listerine, so, instead I collapsed onto my knees, letting out this nasal bellow like an injured cow! It's times like these that I'm glad I live alone..
March 1st, 2015
In my opinion, if you don't feel at least a little bit like a mad scientist when dyeing your hair, you're doing it wrong
February 27th, 2015
Aww, snap!
February 26th, 2015
Over the past 12 hours or so I watched Game of Thrones, Season 4 in its entirety- 10 episodes, about an hour apiece, plus breaks to let the dog out and time to re-watch certain scenes over and over because I couldn't believe they actually happened. My mind is in a dumb-struck jumble! On the bright side, I don't even remember the last time I was up this early! It just probably doesn't count because I haven't gone to bed yet...
February 1st, 2015
So I know everyone's been all pumped about the damn Super Bowl, and the scores and statistics that go along with it. But now I have a much more urgent and pressing question of chances and statistics: WILL THE GROUNDHOG SEE HIS SHADOW?
January 29th, 2015
After I got out of the shower last night, I couldn't find Otis anywhere! I looked all around the new house for her, puzzled and a little worried. Finally I found my sweet old dog, curled up in the back of my closet, sound asleep. Moving really takes it out of you!
January 27th, 2015
Today I officially moved into my new house! Earlier in the day we moved some bigger stuff over like my bed, etc, and this evening I brought over some smaller things like clothes, shampoo, and... PETS! Otis, I was not worried about: she's been riding in cars her whole life. Now the cats... sigh. I will spare you the insignificant details of our journey and just give the highlights: 20 minutes of stuffing cats into carriers, the miserable yowling of 3 pissed off cats in the car, running into a police blockade, Amy escaping from her carrier (loose in the car!), driving like a bat out of hell to end the misery, grabbing Amy and dashing into the house while she thrashed around like a fish. I am glad to be HOME!!
January 22nd, 2015
I will soon be moving across town and I've been packing like crazy and I've had to arrange for my internet and TV to be moved to the new house. Last night I called to transfer the TV and I have to say, the woman I spoke to was probably THE CHATTIEST customer service rep ever. She told me to make sure and rest a lot because she'd "heard a lot of people in New Mexico have colds" and our conversation ended with her approving of my constant reading because it "helps build vocabulary". I'm not quite that chatty, but it was still nice
January 14th, 2015
My cat Sheldon just made his great escape. I had the door open for Otis to come back inside and quick as, well, a cat, he darted past my feet, through my outstretched arms, amidst my cries of "Dammit, Sheldon, no!" outside into the cold night. He took a few bounds, skidded on the icy sidewalk, and turned tail and ran back into the warm house, meowing madly. Jeeeeeeez. What a weenie. I was expecting more of an adventure...
January 12th, 2015
My dad is so awesome. He recently got a new phone and every so often he has problems texting. I got a mysterious text from him with weird letters and characters, then a minute later he explained he couldn't get rid of the damn text, so he just sent it. Problem solving!!
January 7th, 2016
I was just watching the People's Choice Awards with my dad and sister and the last award was given by Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office!) to "The Best TV Show", which included Game of Thrones, The Big Bang Theory, and NCIS. I just about died.
January 4th, 2015
So, thanks to Elizabeth Record and David Henry I've been obsessed with the show Game of Thrones for months and months now. Today my dad, David and I helped my sister move her things down to Abq, where she will be going to school. On the way home my dad and I stopped in Santa Fe and I purchased the first GOT book, because its high time I read the series and become even more obsessed. WELL on the back cover it gave some info on the author, George R. R. Martin. Where does he live? SANTA FE!! Where does he also like to hang out? ALBUQUERQUE! WHAT is this MADNESS!! I think I'm gonna be spending lotsa time with my sister in Abq
December 22nd, 2014
So, one thing is for sure... before tonight I had never spray painted something black outside. At night. With only a flashlight. In windy, 40 degree weather. I'm not very confident in the paint job, but hey Christmas is 3 days away! Remind me to start earlier next year...
November 4th, 2014
So I was watching The Office and I realized I totally have a crush on Jim Halpert. Unfortunately it would probably not work out because I'm like a female version of Dwight Schrute...
October 25th, 2014
I was just watching Napoleon Dynamite and it made me realize... I kinda want a love like Kip and LaFawnduh's
Two whole years worth of interesting tidbits! This is what most people use Twitter for. Alas! And this is nowhere NEAR all the things I post on FB of pictures and blog notices and whatnot. These are just a select few.
I PROMISE to have a better blog next week!! Either that or better excuses ;)
Happy Throwback Thursday, guys.
Sarah
Friday, October 7, 2016
Priceless Photos Included
You know how they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words..."? Well, dammit, it's Thursday night and I'm at a loss for good blogging material. So! I perused my Facebook for some of the more... interesting photos I have on there.. just to tell you the odd/funny/weird stories behind them!
We'll start out with a classic: Alexi Laiho!!
If you're unfamiliar with him, Alexi is the lead-guitarist and and lead singer for the band Children of Bodom! They remain my favorite band, but I used to be flat-out CRAY-SEE for them. So imagine my (and my friends and bandmates) delight to learn that CoB was doing a meet-and-greet in Albuquerque before performing a concert at the Sunshine Theater! A bit of background before I continue: I had a huge crush on Alexi Laiho and everybody knew and teased me about it. They said I liked him so much I was beginning to look like him!... and they kind of had a point. Short in stature, long stringy brownish hair, and an affinity for black t-shirts and guitars! ANYWAY! Knowing I would be seeing him face to face, I decided to dress exactly as he did! I wore my special Children of Bodom shirt FROM FINLAND and WRITTEN IN FINNISH, camo pants with chains, and drawn on tattoos to match his. I gotta say, there was a lot of preparation for what turned out to be a 20 second conversation, but it was so incredibly worth it. You see, on the back of my Finnish CoB t-shirt was a few Finnish words that even hours searching the web could not decipher. So, while the band was signing a t-shirt for me, I gathered my nerve and asked, just what did the back of my shirt mean? And the band kinda got quiet and all looked at each other. Finally Alexi and Janne (the keyboardist) said together, "It's just a saying..." Years and years later, I finally found out it actually meant "Dumbasses Ahead," or something to that effect. Anyway, after exiting the Hot Topic meet and greet location, my friends and I ran screaming from one end of the mall to the other! Finally, we headed back to the store to find my dad. He had not joined us in line, so he had just waited patiently by the door. Turns out, when the band passed him going in, he SHOOK ALEXI'S HAND! I pressed him for details- what did he say What was it like!! All he could come up with was, "He's a tiny little dude, isn't he?"
So! The above pics are a drawing of Alexi, me dressed up as Alexi, and finally Alexi himself!
"Seize the Day," Avenged Sevenfold
Okay! Below I have the link to see the actual video, which I whole-heartedly recommend watching. But just in case you haven't seen the "Seize the Day" music video, and have no desire to, I will summarize it for you. A group of rapscallions (the band) decide they will rob a liquor store despite the band's lead singer's (who shall now be referred to as M. Shadows) pregnant girlfriend's protests. They go. They rob. M. Shadows gets caught. He goes to prison. More happens after that but its irrelevant to this story because all of the scenes in which the band is seen playing are filmed in the prison with the band behind a chain link fence (like this one!) and in one particularly emotional part of the song M. Shadows comes and throttles the fence violently. That was my friends and my favorite part so we decided to re-create it at a nearby park. This song will forever be (for me personally) one of the annoyingest, nasally-sung song ever, and I LOVE it! Click HERE to see the Real Deal
And WHILE we're on the subject of recreating music videos:
"The Truth About Heaven"
As I said, it was another excellent scene to recreate! I must say, both of the original music videos were pretty serious, but somehow parts were still really funny.
Winning the 50/50 raffle!
On one fateful Friday night, I went with my sister to a Raton Tiger's football game. As is customary, we each invested a few bucks in the raffle.. but we were laughing amongst ourselves because earlier in the day, we had eaten Chinese, and my sister's fortune cookie predicted that she would soon come into a great fortune! Well, what do you know!! She won the raffle! This pic is from a little later in the car.. I told her to fan out her cash like you always seen gangsters do on television... not quite as impressive with ones and fives, but still!
"Head Shots"
A couple years ago now, there was a little casting call held at the Shuler. Anyone interested could bring in a head-shot and an information sheet- apparently they were casting extras for some different movies that would be filmed in the area. Well, we thought: why not!! And that night, my sister and I tried our hand at professional photos. Obviously the bottom shot is what we were going for, but I had wayyyy more pics like the top one.
Red River Bike Festival
One year I went with my sister to Red River while the bike rally was in full swing. It was really cool! Bikes and leather and beer all OVER the place!! There was tent after tent of motorcycle merchandise and clothes and bandannas and jewelry. There was even a makeshift stripper pole in the middle of the street! Then, wayyyy off to the side was this little tent. Freaking adorable. And so nice! They gave us a bunch of free stickers!
MIDDLE EARTH... the cake version
Two things about me: I like decorating cakes and I LOOOOOOOOOOVE me some Lord of the Rings!! And to you picky people out there, yeah, yeah, I know it is technically inaccurate but I had to make it work for the cake! And I must say it was delicious... chocolatey, Tolkein-y goodness.
The NEBULIZER
A few years back, I got an awful, awful cold and it realllllllly beat up my lungs! So, for what seemed to be a very, very, very long time, I had to use the above nebulizer to pump albuterol into my lungs several times daily. And right in the middle of this, I went with my dad, uncle, and sister on an ACE trip, and I had to take the whole apparatus with me! Of course, now that I got to live with 24/7 oxygen tanks, the nebulizer was certainly not that bad.
You know, after working at this a while, I realized I have more "weird" pictures than normal ones!
Happy Words-and Picture-day Thursday!
Sarah
We'll start out with a classic: Alexi Laiho!!
If you're unfamiliar with him, Alexi is the lead-guitarist and and lead singer for the band Children of Bodom! They remain my favorite band, but I used to be flat-out CRAY-SEE for them. So imagine my (and my friends and bandmates) delight to learn that CoB was doing a meet-and-greet in Albuquerque before performing a concert at the Sunshine Theater! A bit of background before I continue: I had a huge crush on Alexi Laiho and everybody knew and teased me about it. They said I liked him so much I was beginning to look like him!... and they kind of had a point. Short in stature, long stringy brownish hair, and an affinity for black t-shirts and guitars! ANYWAY! Knowing I would be seeing him face to face, I decided to dress exactly as he did! I wore my special Children of Bodom shirt FROM FINLAND and WRITTEN IN FINNISH, camo pants with chains, and drawn on tattoos to match his. I gotta say, there was a lot of preparation for what turned out to be a 20 second conversation, but it was so incredibly worth it. You see, on the back of my Finnish CoB t-shirt was a few Finnish words that even hours searching the web could not decipher. So, while the band was signing a t-shirt for me, I gathered my nerve and asked, just what did the back of my shirt mean? And the band kinda got quiet and all looked at each other. Finally Alexi and Janne (the keyboardist) said together, "It's just a saying..." Years and years later, I finally found out it actually meant "Dumbasses Ahead," or something to that effect. Anyway, after exiting the Hot Topic meet and greet location, my friends and I ran screaming from one end of the mall to the other! Finally, we headed back to the store to find my dad. He had not joined us in line, so he had just waited patiently by the door. Turns out, when the band passed him going in, he SHOOK ALEXI'S HAND! I pressed him for details- what did he say What was it like!! All he could come up with was, "He's a tiny little dude, isn't he?"
So! The above pics are a drawing of Alexi, me dressed up as Alexi, and finally Alexi himself!
"Seize the Day," Avenged Sevenfold
Okay! Below I have the link to see the actual video, which I whole-heartedly recommend watching. But just in case you haven't seen the "Seize the Day" music video, and have no desire to, I will summarize it for you. A group of rapscallions (the band) decide they will rob a liquor store despite the band's lead singer's (who shall now be referred to as M. Shadows) pregnant girlfriend's protests. They go. They rob. M. Shadows gets caught. He goes to prison. More happens after that but its irrelevant to this story because all of the scenes in which the band is seen playing are filmed in the prison with the band behind a chain link fence (like this one!) and in one particularly emotional part of the song M. Shadows comes and throttles the fence violently. That was my friends and my favorite part so we decided to re-create it at a nearby park. This song will forever be (for me personally) one of the annoyingest, nasally-sung song ever, and I LOVE it! Click HERE to see the Real Deal
And WHILE we're on the subject of recreating music videos:
"The Truth About Heaven"
Winning the 50/50 raffle!
On one fateful Friday night, I went with my sister to a Raton Tiger's football game. As is customary, we each invested a few bucks in the raffle.. but we were laughing amongst ourselves because earlier in the day, we had eaten Chinese, and my sister's fortune cookie predicted that she would soon come into a great fortune! Well, what do you know!! She won the raffle! This pic is from a little later in the car.. I told her to fan out her cash like you always seen gangsters do on television... not quite as impressive with ones and fives, but still!
"Head Shots"
A couple years ago now, there was a little casting call held at the Shuler. Anyone interested could bring in a head-shot and an information sheet- apparently they were casting extras for some different movies that would be filmed in the area. Well, we thought: why not!! And that night, my sister and I tried our hand at professional photos. Obviously the bottom shot is what we were going for, but I had wayyyy more pics like the top one.
Red River Bike Festival
One year I went with my sister to Red River while the bike rally was in full swing. It was really cool! Bikes and leather and beer all OVER the place!! There was tent after tent of motorcycle merchandise and clothes and bandannas and jewelry. There was even a makeshift stripper pole in the middle of the street! Then, wayyyy off to the side was this little tent. Freaking adorable. And so nice! They gave us a bunch of free stickers!
MIDDLE EARTH... the cake version
Two things about me: I like decorating cakes and I LOOOOOOOOOOVE me some Lord of the Rings!! And to you picky people out there, yeah, yeah, I know it is technically inaccurate but I had to make it work for the cake! And I must say it was delicious... chocolatey, Tolkein-y goodness.
The NEBULIZER
A few years back, I got an awful, awful cold and it realllllllly beat up my lungs! So, for what seemed to be a very, very, very long time, I had to use the above nebulizer to pump albuterol into my lungs several times daily. And right in the middle of this, I went with my dad, uncle, and sister on an ACE trip, and I had to take the whole apparatus with me! Of course, now that I got to live with 24/7 oxygen tanks, the nebulizer was certainly not that bad.
You know, after working at this a while, I realized I have more "weird" pictures than normal ones!
Happy Words-and Picture-day Thursday!
Sarah
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Crazy
For a bit of a recap, click here to read an account of my battle with suicidal depression and mental illness, and click here to view my impressive list of medications!
_____________________________________________
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy. I have Schizoaffective Disorder and OCD. I think most people are at least familiar with OCD, although it varies widely in forms and appearances. For example, I know the automatic symptoms that generally come to mind are excessive cleanliness, order, and, well, an obsessive need to count and check things.
But even my experience of the more recognizable OCD is, as mental illnesses go, pretty unpredictable...although, yes, I am a checker! Multiple (and multiple and multiple) times a day I check to see if I locked my front door and my car door, and I check to make sure none of my cats got into my refrigerator, and I check that my multitude of alarms are set correctly. And then for the rest of my day, I think and think and think about if my doors really are locked and no cats somehow got into my fridge, and at night I worry and worry and worry about my alarms until I finally get up to check them all one last time.
But I also experience weird, obsessive thoughts that I can't direct or control. For example, for a while I was consumed by the idea that I had to prove to myself that I hear out of my ears. I would be doing something normal like working or taking Otis for a walk, and suddenly the thought would pop up and I could think of nothing else. I would have to stop what I was doing and plug and unplug my ears, or if I was listening to music, I would crank it until the volume hurt my ears, and only then could I move on to other ideas.
And a few months ago, I began to experience a bizarre compulsion, one that I can't even begin to explain. When I took showers, I got this peculiar desire to put gasoline on my washcloth and rub it into my skin. It wasn't a self-harm gesture, just the disease twisting and contorting my mind.
As for Schizoaffective Disorder, well, if you're unfamiliar with it, it is a BARGAIN of a disease! Two for one. I get both the depression, mania, and mood-swings associated with mood disorders like Bipolar Disorder, combined with the hallucinations and delusional nature that comes with Schizophrenia.
I have been dealing with hallucinations for a very long time. Even way before my suicidal depression, I had "imaginary friends" that were so much more, and they grew more and more powerful and entrancing and demanding. By the time I attempted suicide, the people I saw were as much a part of my life as real people. At the height of it all, I remember one night waking up to see one of my friends standing next to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and actually felt it. The brain is a creepily strange and powerful thing.
As I got older, I saw new things and said goodbye to old ones. When I was a sophomore in high school, I suddenly became manic. It lasted for months. The idea behind mania, of course, is uncontrollable highs and out of control moods and aggression. But what they don't tell you is how exhausting it all is. And with the mania, came more hallucinations- seeing and hearing and in one creepy instance, the feel of a human hand on my side when I was taking a shower.
One evening (morning!) I was up, up, up, and I had gone downstairs to play on the computer and not wake up my dad. It was pretty quiet downstairs, just me and the dogs and cats, Otis fast asleep on my foot. Suddenly, I heard the TV come on in my dad's room (I was directly beneath it). It got louder, and I could hear the voices and the soundtrack, even the cracks of gun shots. I could tell it was a western, probably a John Wayne classic. My dad watches them from time to time. After listening quite a while to the far off murmur of conversation and horse whinnies, I happened to glance at the computer's clock. It was after 3:00 in the morning, wayyyyy too late for my dad to be up. I figured he must have fallen asleep... and then the TV noise got louder. Much louder. Nudging Otey off my foot, I got up and headed upstairs. The closer I got to my dad's room, the more noisy it got. But the actual "Western" movie sounds were fading, and being replaced by the roar of your ears when you try to listen to silence. WHOOOOOOSH. By the time I got up to his room, the movie sounds were all gone... and for good reason, too! The TV was off, and had been all night. I woke my dad up, bothered, and he told me he hadn't watched a Western in months, just sports and the Food Network.
Another instance around the same time was one afternoon when I came downstairs and glimpsed my sister... even though she was really hundreds of miles away, at school!
But this story does get much happier! Namely, when I found my miracle medicine... CLOZARIL!! You see, it took a very long time for me to get on Clozaril, because it's what they consider it an "if all else fails" kind of medication. Clozaril works wonders, but it can be very dangerous.. that's why it comes with unending monthly blood tests. And I certainly fell into the "last option" category!
And just what does it do? you ask. I will let Clozaril tell you in its own words! Directly from the "Patient Education" sheet I get every month with my refill:
"This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood disorders (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders). Clozaril is a psychiatric medication (anti-psychotic type) that works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain. Clozaril decreases hallucinations and helps prevent suicide in those who are likely to harm themselves. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take part in everyday life."
The same awesome doctor who put me on Clozaril also added Fluoxetine for the OCD, and everything got. So. Much. BETTER!! I finally found my miracle and everything was incredible.
And why am I telling you all about this? Well, this year has not been stellar for me, health-wise. Back in February, I was diagnosed with a DVT and Pulmonary Emboli (see the whole story here), which necessitated me being on oxygen 24/7 and basically having the energy of a bump on a log for a few months.
Then cut to about 2 months ago. Slowly, haltingly, unstoppably, I started to notice problems. The OCD checking got out of control. My moods became erratic. And worst of all... I started to hear things. See things. I admit, I made a mistake. I should have told someone right away.. my family and my doctor. But scared and stubborn, I decided to wait it out. I kept hearing whispers all the time, and shadows flashed around my peripheral vision.
The funny thing about my family is, they know things about me sometimes before I know them myself! And they could tell something was wrong. And you know what? As soon as I came clean, I felt about a million times better already. I met with my doctor, who upped my meds considerably, and for about 2 weeks I went to live with my dad. It may sound stupid, me being a 24 year old and going to live with my pop, but there is something to be said for company! Good, solid company that keeps you anchored and safe. Just like texting my sister 24/7 and phone conversations with my mom.
I just want to say, I know not everyone is a fan of meds. Even just looking on Facebook, I know a lot of people think they are unnecessary and only the weak turn to them. Well.. you know what? They sure work for me.
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but it makes me no less of a person. Quite the contrary, really. If you know me well, or even just read my blogs, you've probably seen me share this Abraham Lincoln quote before: "A tendency to melancholy... let it be observed, is a misfortune, not a fault." I definitely feel it is applicable to this, too!
I will tell you something: In the book I am writing, my main character has all the problems I have, and a great deal of the book is figuring out what is real, what is not, what is really important, and how to change your perspective. Basically in my book, the main character (and the reader!) get to decide how to deal with her problems.. maybe they are not so bad or crippling after all.
"Crazy" is an interesting concept, when you really think about it. Me seeing and hearing things, yeah, that's crazy. But anybody hopped up on caffeine or sugar could be called "crazy." Someone with a strong affinity for something is "crazy." I call Otis "crazy" all the time, especially when I play with her squeaky toys and she gets all growly and... crazy.
In a weird way I think we associate "crazy" with strength and determination in one way or another, and that's not so bad! I would like to share a quote with you all:
“Do you think I’ve gone round the bend?”
“I’m afraid so. You’re mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but aren't we all, just a little?
Thanks for reading, guys! I know I have a tendency to overshare, but I just gotta write about it! It makes me feel better.
Sarah
_____________________________________________
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy. I have Schizoaffective Disorder and OCD. I think most people are at least familiar with OCD, although it varies widely in forms and appearances. For example, I know the automatic symptoms that generally come to mind are excessive cleanliness, order, and, well, an obsessive need to count and check things.
But even my experience of the more recognizable OCD is, as mental illnesses go, pretty unpredictable...although, yes, I am a checker! Multiple (and multiple and multiple) times a day I check to see if I locked my front door and my car door, and I check to make sure none of my cats got into my refrigerator, and I check that my multitude of alarms are set correctly. And then for the rest of my day, I think and think and think about if my doors really are locked and no cats somehow got into my fridge, and at night I worry and worry and worry about my alarms until I finally get up to check them all one last time.
But I also experience weird, obsessive thoughts that I can't direct or control. For example, for a while I was consumed by the idea that I had to prove to myself that I hear out of my ears. I would be doing something normal like working or taking Otis for a walk, and suddenly the thought would pop up and I could think of nothing else. I would have to stop what I was doing and plug and unplug my ears, or if I was listening to music, I would crank it until the volume hurt my ears, and only then could I move on to other ideas.
And a few months ago, I began to experience a bizarre compulsion, one that I can't even begin to explain. When I took showers, I got this peculiar desire to put gasoline on my washcloth and rub it into my skin. It wasn't a self-harm gesture, just the disease twisting and contorting my mind.
As for Schizoaffective Disorder, well, if you're unfamiliar with it, it is a BARGAIN of a disease! Two for one. I get both the depression, mania, and mood-swings associated with mood disorders like Bipolar Disorder, combined with the hallucinations and delusional nature that comes with Schizophrenia.
I have been dealing with hallucinations for a very long time. Even way before my suicidal depression, I had "imaginary friends" that were so much more, and they grew more and more powerful and entrancing and demanding. By the time I attempted suicide, the people I saw were as much a part of my life as real people. At the height of it all, I remember one night waking up to see one of my friends standing next to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and actually felt it. The brain is a creepily strange and powerful thing.
As I got older, I saw new things and said goodbye to old ones. When I was a sophomore in high school, I suddenly became manic. It lasted for months. The idea behind mania, of course, is uncontrollable highs and out of control moods and aggression. But what they don't tell you is how exhausting it all is. And with the mania, came more hallucinations- seeing and hearing and in one creepy instance, the feel of a human hand on my side when I was taking a shower.
One evening (morning!) I was up, up, up, and I had gone downstairs to play on the computer and not wake up my dad. It was pretty quiet downstairs, just me and the dogs and cats, Otis fast asleep on my foot. Suddenly, I heard the TV come on in my dad's room (I was directly beneath it). It got louder, and I could hear the voices and the soundtrack, even the cracks of gun shots. I could tell it was a western, probably a John Wayne classic. My dad watches them from time to time. After listening quite a while to the far off murmur of conversation and horse whinnies, I happened to glance at the computer's clock. It was after 3:00 in the morning, wayyyyy too late for my dad to be up. I figured he must have fallen asleep... and then the TV noise got louder. Much louder. Nudging Otey off my foot, I got up and headed upstairs. The closer I got to my dad's room, the more noisy it got. But the actual "Western" movie sounds were fading, and being replaced by the roar of your ears when you try to listen to silence. WHOOOOOOSH. By the time I got up to his room, the movie sounds were all gone... and for good reason, too! The TV was off, and had been all night. I woke my dad up, bothered, and he told me he hadn't watched a Western in months, just sports and the Food Network.
Another instance around the same time was one afternoon when I came downstairs and glimpsed my sister... even though she was really hundreds of miles away, at school!
But this story does get much happier! Namely, when I found my miracle medicine... CLOZARIL!! You see, it took a very long time for me to get on Clozaril, because it's what they consider it an "if all else fails" kind of medication. Clozaril works wonders, but it can be very dangerous.. that's why it comes with unending monthly blood tests. And I certainly fell into the "last option" category!
And just what does it do? you ask. I will let Clozaril tell you in its own words! Directly from the "Patient Education" sheet I get every month with my refill:
"This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood disorders (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders). Clozaril is a psychiatric medication (anti-psychotic type) that works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain. Clozaril decreases hallucinations and helps prevent suicide in those who are likely to harm themselves. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take part in everyday life."
The same awesome doctor who put me on Clozaril also added Fluoxetine for the OCD, and everything got. So. Much. BETTER!! I finally found my miracle and everything was incredible.
And why am I telling you all about this? Well, this year has not been stellar for me, health-wise. Back in February, I was diagnosed with a DVT and Pulmonary Emboli (see the whole story here), which necessitated me being on oxygen 24/7 and basically having the energy of a bump on a log for a few months.
Then cut to about 2 months ago. Slowly, haltingly, unstoppably, I started to notice problems. The OCD checking got out of control. My moods became erratic. And worst of all... I started to hear things. See things. I admit, I made a mistake. I should have told someone right away.. my family and my doctor. But scared and stubborn, I decided to wait it out. I kept hearing whispers all the time, and shadows flashed around my peripheral vision.
The funny thing about my family is, they know things about me sometimes before I know them myself! And they could tell something was wrong. And you know what? As soon as I came clean, I felt about a million times better already. I met with my doctor, who upped my meds considerably, and for about 2 weeks I went to live with my dad. It may sound stupid, me being a 24 year old and going to live with my pop, but there is something to be said for company! Good, solid company that keeps you anchored and safe. Just like texting my sister 24/7 and phone conversations with my mom.
I just want to say, I know not everyone is a fan of meds. Even just looking on Facebook, I know a lot of people think they are unnecessary and only the weak turn to them. Well.. you know what? They sure work for me.
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but it makes me no less of a person. Quite the contrary, really. If you know me well, or even just read my blogs, you've probably seen me share this Abraham Lincoln quote before: "A tendency to melancholy... let it be observed, is a misfortune, not a fault." I definitely feel it is applicable to this, too!
I will tell you something: In the book I am writing, my main character has all the problems I have, and a great deal of the book is figuring out what is real, what is not, what is really important, and how to change your perspective. Basically in my book, the main character (and the reader!) get to decide how to deal with her problems.. maybe they are not so bad or crippling after all.
"Crazy" is an interesting concept, when you really think about it. Me seeing and hearing things, yeah, that's crazy. But anybody hopped up on caffeine or sugar could be called "crazy." Someone with a strong affinity for something is "crazy." I call Otis "crazy" all the time, especially when I play with her squeaky toys and she gets all growly and... crazy.
In a weird way I think we associate "crazy" with strength and determination in one way or another, and that's not so bad! I would like to share a quote with you all:
“Do you think I’ve gone round the bend?”
“I’m afraid so. You’re mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but aren't we all, just a little?
Thanks for reading, guys! I know I have a tendency to overshare, but I just gotta write about it! It makes me feel better.
Sarah
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