But I can't help it. I just need people. And when I lose people, it's really hard! Of course, there are different ways to "lose" someone, in varying degrees of permanence.
But here is a quick list of people I'm really missing right now!
Granny!
It is actually her birthday tomorrow, and I've really been thinking about her! For the majority of my life, she lived really close! Just down the hill. And my sister and I loved to go to her house. I remember climbing in the old apple tree beside her house and hiking down the hill to the creek, where we packed picnics and played with plastic boats Granny kept in a shed. I remember sitting in her upstairs living room, reading books like "Obadiah the Bold" and playing with historically accurate paper dolls. I spent tons of time playing games like "The Sims" on her old computer and playing with her beautiful doll houses. I loved playing with her old ink pens and bottles of ink, which would stain my hands for days. I would sit at her beautiful piano and play "Chopsticks" over and over and over. And books! Books, books, books everywhere. On any subject you can think of! And she always made Emmy and I macaroni and cheese with green peas!
Now she lives out in Tulsa, OK, in a BEAUTIFUL place, and I know she loves it there. I just wish we could see her more! We've got to visit her a few times, and even though it's a totally new environment, it still feels so familiar! Still the same books and art, and still the same Granny!
Happy Birthday, Granny! We all love you.
Johnny Ray
It's tough to wrap my head around, but on June 19th, it will mark 10 years since we lost Johnny Ray. 10 years, and I think we all still miss him like crazy. Try as I might, I can't come up with a negative memory of him. He was just so positive.
I remember the first time I officially met him! I took my bass and little Hartke amp to Ben and Geoff's house to jam for the first time, and Johnny Ray had spent the night there. As I was coming inside, he was getting up and I heard a pained groaning. He had forgotten to take his contact lenses out and his eyes were all stuck together and painful! As we were formally introduced, he had his left hand over his squinted eyes and he blindly and randomly swung his right hand around til it met mine. I couldn't help but laugh a little.
To this day, I certainly cannot think of Dimebag Darrell without thinking of Johnny Ray. Way back when we started "Asunder" and well into "Dead End Philosophy," I remember all of us getting together and practicing in Ben and Geoff's back shed and in Trevor's Grandma's garage. Those guys all taught me to headbang! And he enjoyed wrapping up a good practice with Pantera's "Domination". Couldn't go wrong there!
And I will always remember the 2-person club he and I were in, "The In-Crowd". Needlessly to say, it was pretty exclusive. I remember talking to him on Instant Messenger one night and we were delighted that we were both learning Lamb of God's "Remorse is for the Dead." And practicing it together. I remember the day after I got my braces off, he poked me until I laughed so he could see my teeth. A couple times when the RHS Band had to play at football games, he enjoyed borrowing my cell phone and taking selfies with people in the crowd, way before "Selfies" became a thing!
It's painful to know we lost him so early, but I think just about everyone who knew him would agree what a positive impact he had on us!
This is by no means a great photograph, but as far as I know, this is the only picture I have of us together.
Mom
In this day and age, it's pretty easy to keep in touch, I know. Cell phones and landlines and texting and emailing and Facebook and such! And, trust me, I employ all of these techniques! But there's something so wonderful about BEING with someone. HUGGING them. Playing Scrabble and Gin Rummy with them. Playing with their dogs. Meeting their chickens(!). Just spending time with my mama! Don't you just wish you could apparate, like in Harry Potter?! Or use the Floo Network? Hell, I'd take a broomstick and fly over to West Virginia!... assuming I didn't get HOPELESSLY LOST and end up in northern Canada somewhere.
I heard a rumor she might come out this way sometime this summer... and if she doesn't, Em and I might have to pack up the car and drive out her way! (I promise, I'd even drive a tiny bit this time!)
I LOVE YOU MOM!!
Grandpa
When I think of my Grandpa, Bud, I think of three things immediately: American Patriotism, Earl the Black Labrador, and poker. Actually, those three things, or what they represent, do a good job of explaining him! Oh, he loved his country, he ADORED his dogs and his family, and ohhhhhh, he loved a bit of mischief. He was the one who taught me how to play poker, playing and betting with REAL QUARTERS! He laughed at my shuffling and taught me how to correctly cut a deck. And I KNOW he cheated sometimes! I once caught him, literally, with cards up his sleeve. And I think he sat on a few cards too. He was an expert on bluffing, both performing it himself, and catching me.
Like my sister is, he was a total green-thumb! He spent hours and hours and hours outside in the Greenhouse watering and pruning, a gift I simply do not have.
I don't know if you, like I do, sometimes have dreams about loved ones who have died, but only realize the dream is impossible when you wake up? Well, (and I haven't shared this widely yet) I had a dream about a year after my grandpa died. It started out as a normal dream, just weird and nonsensical, but suddenly I went through a doorway in the dream, and... there he was! Standing outside. And I was totally aware that it was impossible. He just held out his arms and I ran over and hugged him for a long time, that crazy kind of hug you give someone who you haven't seen in a long, long time, or might never see again. He told me, after using an old nickname, "I love you, you be good but give them hell!" And I woke up.
I've said on my blog before I'm not a religious person at all. And I don't believe in ghosts like they're portrayed in stories, but I do think that when people die, they leave parts of themselves behind, parts that are hard for us to comprehend. So I wonder if it was just one of those dreams, or if there could have been just a tiny bit of my real Grandpa in that dream.... one more card up his sleeve!
I know this blog was hopelessly cheesy. I'm sorry! Just had to get it out.
Have a good Father's Day this weekend!
Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment