INFESTED

Alas! I am late with my Wordsday Thursday! Auchhhhhh! So it'll have to be quick one.

Lately, I've noticed some troubling things! Little odds and ends gone missing. Things left in places I swear I didn't leave them. My cats staring at walls and cupboards and other boring, unmoving objects. Little objects falling during the night. Feelings of being watched.

Ghosts? you say.

Nay!

It's...

THE BORROWERS!! I know it! If you are unfamiliar with them, they are little people that live in your house, stealing (oh, excuse me, borrowing) little odds and ends. Actually, here is a trailer for an old movie made about the Borrowers! Based on true events, I'm sure.

Anyway, I've got them BAD. An infestation!  At ACE, we sell products to get rid of mice and spiders and wasps and flies and scorpions and weeds and poison ivy, but we don't have a single product for Borrowers!

I mean, normally, I wouldn't want to take such a violent course of action, but I'm desperate! I had to go to KMart the other day because I could not find a SINGLE pair of socks. During the last few summer months, I've worn sandals and my (lame, but extremely comfortable) Crocs. But now that the weather is cooling down, I need socks. But the jerks have taken them all! My socks are just gone! I assume they're perfect little sleeping bags for Borrowers.

And for whatever reason, they seem particularly fond of my hair ties! Actually, and this is really odd, my sister has the same elastic-loving Borrowers! We'll buy a pack of fifty hair ties, and over the next few days, we find them ALL over the house. In weird places! Like in the toilet or in the cat's feeding bowls. Bizarre!

During the day when I'm at work, they must really come out and party because when I get home, Otis's toys will be all over the house and stuff on the top of my refrigerator will be down and spilled all over the kitchen floor. The pets' water dish will be spilled. My plants will look significantly more beat-up. It's kind of mind blowing how destructive they are! And WHY?

The other day, I had made myself some dinner and I put the plate on my couch and left the room to get something. CRASH! Some little Borrower creep had snuck into the living room and pushed my plate on the floor. Ass!

I can't for the life of me figure out why they're so aggressive all of a sudden. And honestly, I'm really disappointed in my cats for not hunting them down. It would seem they'd cross paths often because a lot of Borrower activity happens where my cats hang out all day long. Weird!

Anyway, I'll keep you updated. Any advice would be appreciated! It looks like we might have an epidemic on our hands.

Happy hunting!

Sarah

The WHEN List

Well, hello there!

Today was, as is every Thursday, my day off! I had all these plans and accomplished almost none of them. But it is Wordsday Thursday and I made a promise to write, even if the blogs are poorly executed and/or short.

So for today I thought I'd do a quick list of my dreams and aspirations. Deep stuff! But instead of calling it a "Wish List" I'm calling it a "When List" because, dammit, it's not a question of IF these goals will happen, it's a question of WHEN!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Sarah's WHEN LIST:

• First, an old one: One day, I will walk into a bookstore and see MY BOOKS for sale on the shelf. I'll walk over and open one and read a random page and remember where I was when I wrote that. Maybe I'll have written that chapter one day when I was lying in bed with Otis dozing next to me, or one evening while I was waiting to wash a new shade of hair dye out. Trapped in those pages will be memories no one will see but me, and it will make it that much more powerful and wonderful.
  
• Before that happens, I have much more short-term goal. I have several ideas for books that I've been working on, but one is leaps and bounds ahead of the others. I work on it everyday and I'm thrilled with the progress I'm making. So, my goal: I want to have at least a very, verrrrry rough first draft of this book by Christmas this year. Not something ready to go out to publishers, just something COMPLETE that I can work on it as a whole, instead of a bunch of random parts that I've written here and there.
  
• I will travel to Finland and go hang out at Lake Bodom for an afternoon. Maybe pack a picnic! It is the inspiration for the name of my favorite band, AND it boasts some spectacular scenery!
  
• At work, we sell these kits to make your own "memory stone", basically a concrete slab that you mix, pour, then put handprints, words, etc. in. I want to do one with Otis's pawprints! Then, someday when she is gone, I will make a copy or the pawprints and get them tattooed, probably on my shoulder blades, like she is pushing me forward. She has left her mark on me for life, so why not make it visible?
  
• When I make my fortune from writing books, I have a list of people and organizations I will donate large sums of money to! For example, the Humane Society, and a couple of Foundations that gave me scholarships for college.
  
• At some point in my life, I will adopt more animals and name two of them "Dwight" and "Mose" (from The Office!) Though probably not for a while...
  

• At some point I will develop more conventional sleeping habits and become a better housekeeper. I'm the worst!
  
• I will have the means to travel around the world AND the country. Especially to West Virginia, any old time I feel like it! I miss seeing my Mom.
  
• I will also travel to New Zealand and go to different filming locations of The Lord of the Rings.
  
• One day, my heroes will become my peers! And someday, I will become as good a person as the people I look up to.
  
  Here's to hoping, anyway!

What are YOUR dreams?

Sarah

I Need to Read "1984" Again...

Halloween is coming up! You can't go into stores without seeing decorations and costumes and candy and trick-or-treating flashlights. Even ACE has a modest selection of Halloween items! Orange and purple lights and... um, extension cords to plug in those lights, and, uh, light bulbs for your porch light that you can turn off when you're tired of trick-or-treaters. ACE really has everything!

When I was at KMart the other day, I spent some time in the Halloween section. I paid special attention to decorations, because in my case my style of decorating is so unique, I tend to keep "Halloween" decorations up all year long. It fits my decor! Anyway, I also fished through a big bin of horror movies, and it got me thinking!

I remember several years ago in high school, my English class had just read the book "1984" and our teacher  decided to show us the film afterwards. After setting up the TV and rewinding the video tape, he addressed the class quite seriously.
"Before I show the movie, I just want to warn you guys that some of the scenes are quite graphic," he told us. "Some may be kind of upsetting to sensitive people."
We all sat up in our seats a little straighter. Oooh! Gory? At school? Niiiiiice!
We were all kind of disappointed.
The "upsetting scene" our teacher had spoken of was, if memory serves, when the government is using the main character's fear of rats as a kind of torture technique. Which is pretty gruesome when you think about it! However, we all ended up laughing because the sad truth of the matter is that we are children of the "Saw Movies" generation. It takes a hell of a lot more than rats next to a mans face to shock and upset us!

And looking through the bin of horror flicks at KMart, it was easy to see why. Scary movies are very popular and very diverse. Some are supernatural and some are paranormal and some are realistic! Some are psychologically frightening and some are good ol' jump scare movies. You name it, they've made it!

I'm not a huuuuuuuge fan of horror movies myself. It is fair to call me "sensitive", perhaps even "wimpy" at times. But I have watched my fair share. What I'm sharing with you today is a list of "horror" movies I've watched that yielded unexpected emotions. I mean, you watch a scary movie and you get scared. But the following movies also made me experience feelings I was not anticipating!

*Warning!! SPOILERS AHEAD! Proceed with caution!*

"The Blair Witch Project"
Quick description: A group of filmmakers go into the woods searching for a legendary witch that supposedly lived (lives) in the area. They get horribly lost and are hunted by something that terrorizes them in the night. One of them gets picked off and the other two hear him screaming at night. Then the other two also die (thought not on camera.) In the beginning, it claims it's "Found Footage", meaning that someone just found all the film and they don't know what happened to the people who filmed it. Not very convincing, because in the credits they were obligated to include the "Entirely fictional, not based on any real people, living or dead" spiel. Anyway, I first watched it several years ago with my sister and her friend at night. It was sufficiently creepy! Then my sister's poor friend had to walk out to his car in the pitch black night, surrounded by woods. He made it, but admitted later he was pretty much scared shitless.
Unexpected emotion: ANNOYED. So! Semi-recently, I DVR'd the movie and rewatched it. There are very chilling parts, like when the witch leaves the poor guys teeth and blood as a present for the other two, but I was unable to feel very scared because there is so. Much. Pointless. ARGUING! Mostly about being lost, and who lost the map, and who should hold the compass, and who's fault everything is, and if they've seen that log before, and who's lying about being out of cigarettes, and why is she still filming? Etc., etc. After a while, it's like SHUT UP!

"The Sixth Sense"
Quick description: A renowned child psychologist helps a troubled little boy who is haunted by visions of ghosts. Absolutely infamous for the line, "I see dead people!", also for a huge twist at the end. Pretty creepy, but also just an awesome movie.
Unexpected emotion: TOUCHED. It's actually a pretty old movie, but I saw it for the first time fairly recently. Some of the scenes are downright freaky, but it's an excellent story. I was certainly not expecting to go, "Awww!" Because while learning about the little boy's problems, you get to know his mother, who loves him to pieces and is worried sick about him. Also, it's sweet at the end because the little boy isn't "cured" of his problems, but learns how to use them to become stronger, and to help other people.
This is the scene where the little boy finally tells his mom about what's been going on. It really gets me!

"Scream"
Quick description: A sleepy little town goes crazy when a string of murders happen by "Ghostface," an unknown person wearing a costume. A good ol' "Who dunnit?" because victim after victim is killed, and it's hard trying to figure out if there's a pattern.
Unexpected emotion: MYSTIFIED. Yeah, it's the definition of  "slasher" movie, but I could NOT figure out the murderer(s) for the life of me! I was guessing and going back and forth til the end! Same with Scream 2 and Scream 3! Ghostface's identity just eludes me every time.

"Mirrors"
Quick description: I actually don't remember much about this movie, because I just saw it the one time, but basically a policeman battles evil forces that can slip in and out of the reflection in mirrors. I saw it with my friend and my dad because we wanted to go do something on a weekend. Bad decision on my part!
Unexpected emotion: ABSOLUTELY TERRORIZED. Yeah, I know, scary movies are scary. But something about this movie freaked the hell out of me. After we watched the movie, we went back home and my friend spent the night, but about 3:00 in the morning, I was so freaked out I had to go wake up my dad and talk to him. I couldn't sleep for a few days! Pretty embarrassing, really.

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose"
Quick description: Allegedly based on true events, a priest is pressed with criminal charges after a girl he was (religiously) helping dies. It follows the events that happened leading up to the trial, and also the trial itself. It's interesting hearing lawyers argue about speculative and theoretical ideas and beliefs, instead of laws and facts.
Unexpected emotion: CAPTIVATED. The majority of the movie is actually courtroom happenings, and a few people I know found this incredibly boring. I really enjoyed it! Which is also kind of odd when considering my religious beliefs (or lack thereof). It's just an interesting story!

*Bonus! Bonus! Bonus!*
"The Shining" (book)
Quick description: It is quite similar to the famous movie- snowbound family lives in a haunted hotel and the writer/father goes crazy and tries to murder them. But there are some subtle yet large differences that are kind of hard to point out. For example, in the book, the hotel is more like a character than just a place, with an independent mind, and instead of Jack Torrance just going crazy, in the book the hotel possesses him.
Unexpected emotion: SAD. There is one particular scene in the book that always makes me go "Aww." Jack Torrance is fighting a losing battle against the possession of the hotel, and he knows it.  He also knows that when he is possessed, he will hurt his family, so with the last bit of strength he has, he tells his son, Danny, "I love you so much. You need to run away now! I'm not your daddy anymore," and then he hits his own face so he doesn't look like himself any more.

And then there are a million others that did just what they're supposed to... scare me!

What's life without a few scares?
;)

Sarah

LIES

In just a matter of minutes it will be... OCTOBER! I'm super happy about that. JURY DUTY is over and done with, and I love this time of year. It's getting to be chillier and the holidays are coming. Halloween stuff is all over!

Lies are a very complicated business. What is truth to one person can be a lie to another. Over time, truth can become lie, and vice versa. For today's blog, I thought I'd write down some things that, at one point or another, I believed to be truth, but turned out to be false. In my case, anyway! As usual, some are stupid, and some are serious. Just like lies!


"It's just a little train-ride!"

My MOTHER told me this whopper before I rode my first roller-coaster. We were at a Six Flags a verrrrry long time ago, and I was staring up at the wooden, rickety contraption with absolute dread.
"Aww, come on!" she urged. My sister was already waiting excitedly in line. Overhead, one of the cars careened down the track, making frightening noises.
"See?" she said. "It's just a little train ride! Down the tracks, you see? It'll be fun!"
Famous. Last. Words.
Although, I DO like them now...

"Now you're going to turn into a cactus!"

An "I beg your pardon?" line, I know.
Years and years and years ago, I was on a road trip with my family and we stopped at a gas station for snacks. Well, my sister got a little box of TicTacs. They were bright green, spearmint! Unlike the crazy multi-flavor ones they have now. Anyway, my sister gave me one.
Now, I've always been a wimp when it comes to strong flavors, and when I ate the TicTac, it bit into my tongue with it's intense flavor.
Ever the convincing actress, my sister looked at me, aghast.
"You actually ate it?" she asked. "Oh no! Now you're going to turn into a cactus!"
In panic-mode, I did not stop to consider the facts. My mind skipped over the fact that my sister had eaten several, as had the rest of the world, and as far as I know, Willy Wonka is still working on a candy that can change your appearance. My mind went right to the bright green, cactus-ish color, and the spike-like sensation on my tongue. PANIC. PANIC. PANIC. Nice going, Sarah!
To this day, I'm not sure how she came up with "cactus", and last time I asked her, she denied remembering anything about it. Hmmmmm.


"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me."

A very common saying, and a very incorrect one. Words can be some of the worst weapons imaginable. You could be wearing a suit of armor, a helmet and a bulletproof vest and be invincible to knives and guns and swords and arrows and axes (sorry, been watching LOTR!) but words can still penetrate that armor. Words worm their way into your mind and plant themselves, like seeds. If the seeds take, negative thoughts can grow in your mind. Very dangerous, and very hard to fight.


"Eat this. You'll like it!"

As a general rule of thumb, when someone tells you this, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. Either someone is having fun at your expense, or it's something for your own good, which may be healthy, but probably not tasty.
The last blog I wrote was about food and I failed to include this cautionary tale, so I will tell it now:
Once, I was sitting at the dinner table with my family. We had just eaten dinner and my parents produced a few kiwis. As "dessert." Well, looking at them, I got a bad feeling. From the outside, they looked like.. horse's apples. Then, on the inside they were a scary color with lots of seeds. I was given no option but to try them. What happened next is still a bit of a blur, but basically, I nibbled some kiwi, desperately chugged some milk to get it down, and my digestive tract would have none of it. So, the kiwi came out my nose, into my milk. My instincts tried to warn me, but alas!


"Atheists are just wrong, wrong, wrong!"

I am, I believe, one of the least-confrontational people alive. But even if I wasn't, I think I would still try and avoid bringing up my atheism very often. Religion is just a sticky subject! It pisses people off. I do find it odd that oftentimes people consider it very rude and outgoing when someone says, "I don't believe in God and here's why..." but have no problem with passing out Bible verses and pamphlets and telling people they need to find God or burn in hell.
I will tell you that growing up, I was raised spending some time in Raton's First Presbyterian Church. I was part of the Bell Choir (Middle C and D!), and I went to Sunday School sometimes, and Church services. Vacation Bible School! Several times at church I was the acolyte, and once, the lay-leader! Sometimes on St. Andrew's Day my grandmother would hire a few bagpipers and they would play ear-splittingly loud on church corner for EVERYONE to hear. That was pretty freakin' awesome! When I was very young, while lying in bed at night I'd always try to say my prayers. I think my OCD was present even then because my prayers would go: "Dear God, please bless..." and I would go on to list just about everyone in my life. First immediate family, then grandparents. Pets! Cousins, aunts, uncles. Second cousins. Friends. Teachers. Kids I sat next to in school. Usually I'd fall asleep before I said, "Amen!"
But through the years I changed drastically and grew a lot and painstakingly became the person I am today. It's been quite a journey and it's hard to say just how I changed, and when. But the way people feel certain there is a god, I just feel there isn't one. I'm certainly not so arrogant as to say there's no way I could be wrong, it's just how I feel.
To the people who say all atheists are immoral, I beg to differ! I'm not plagued by fear that if I do something wrong, I'll go to hell. I'm just a decent person doing what decent people do!


"WARNING: Your computer has just been  infected with a Trojan virus. Click HERE to turn on your virus protection!"

Ughhhhhhhhhh, if only I could go back in time! I could have spared myself so much grief and anguish! This has happened, I must admit, more that once. They're just so damn convincing! I see the message, get all worried and upset, and click the button. Surprise! The button WAS the virus. Congratulations, Sarah. You've wrecked your computer again!

"Don't worry, you'll hit your growth spurt soon!"

To be fair, I used to be very tall for my age. You know, back in like 3rd grade. Then I stopped growing and everybody else started growing. Here I am, age 23. Right about 5'4.
Back in Midschool people would be like "You're bound to grow soon right?"

HAPPY OCTOBER, GUYS!!

Sarah

My Culinary Universe

Big props go to my sister, Elizabeth Record, because I could not think of a single thing to blog about and she brainstormed for me!

I am a creature of habit. That is the understatement of the century! I like having routines. I like normalcy! If someone were to accuse me of being stuck in a rut, I would agree with them wholeheartedly, except to giggle and say, "You have no idea..."

This is especially evident in my culinary habits. I am very, very picky, and when I find something I like, I STICK TO IT! Why would you risk having something gross when you already have something you love?

If I had to pick, say, five foods/drinks to live on for the rest of my life (not including water) they would be:

1. Beef Ramen Noodle Soup
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Orange Creme yogurt (see how health-conscious I am?)
4. Milk chocolate
5. Sour cream and onion chips

I would not be even remotely healthy, but I would be very satisfied! Although, I do have an issue with Gastronomic Redundancy and that would be unpleasant.

Still don't know the Stuck-in-a-Rutness I am speaking of? The following is a list of what I have at certain restaurants, just as an example. Basically if I eat somewhere more than once, I know exactly what I will be having way ahead of time. Saves a lot of time reading menus!

• El Matador: Chicken Strip dinner, Dr. Pepper, water, and some chips (no salsa, thanks, too spicy for this wimp)
• Taco Bell: T8 with soft-shell tacos, Dr. Pepper, Cinnamon Twists
• Chef Lius: Small order of Wonton Soup, two eggrolls and a Shirley Temple
• Subway: 6 inch, white bread, turkey. Yep, that's all. You can roll up the sandwich now!

As I said, I am extremely picky, and it would take wayyyyyyyy too long to make a list of everything I refuse to consume, but I will do a small one of the stranger ones:

• Whipped cream. Just....gross, man
• Pie. Of any kind. Don't like working with pi either, for that matter
• Green or red chile. I'm an embarrassment to the state of New Mexico!
• Strawberries. It's a consistency thing. Those stupid little seeds that make you want to gag and choke
• Cherries. Again, consistency. I won't even eat the ones that come in my Shirley Temples. One upon a time at a sleepover, I got dared to eat a cherry with ranch dressing on it. Scarred me for life.
• Pickles! This one isn't so strange... it seems that with pickles, either you love them or you hate them. I'm definitely a hater. When we go to movies my sister likes to eat them sitting next to me
• Ketchup. Don't like tomatoes, don't like mashed tomatoes, not even on fries. No thank you!
• Gravy. I think it would be quicker to say, I am not a condiment person. With the exception of a little butter or salt, nothing for me! I don't like eating things that are all mixed up, like when people take potatoes and peas and gravy and smush them all into one gigantic stack. I'd rather eat each ingredient separately.
• Beer. Sorry, just not my thing. It's just nasty. I'm a vodka girl!
• Nuts. Aside from in a select few candies and peanut butter, just keep them away from me, yeah? Why ruin perfectly good ice cream with nuts?

So there you have it! Written proof that I am an unusual, unhealthy eater. That actually sums me up pretty well ;)

Sarah

(the soup connoisseur) 

O(de to)TIS

Happy Thursday to all of you out in Blog-Land! Actually, it is Wednesday night and I am (gasp!) ahead of schedule, which is a rarity. A scarcity. An anomaly! Usually it's Thursday night at 11:15 and I'm racking my brain for blog ideas.

Speaking thusly, for tonight's blog, I have chosen a subject you are (almost certainly, if you know me at all) familiar with: my dog, Otis. (Click here to see a ridiculous amount of photos of her.) I talk about her often, reference her constantly, and love her like crazy. You already know a lot about her, but tonight I want to try and explain my connection with her more deeply. To try and get you to understand just why and how she is so unbelievably important to me. A lot of it you'll already know, but please bear with me!

I met her by chance, one afternoon after a hellish day at school. I had recently attempted suicide and the whole school knew. I had just gotten back home after spending a week in a mental hospital/rehab place in Pueblo for troubled teens. I was miserable, and fighting my own brain and body, who kept telling me it would be better to die. But when my mom took me to meet this tiny puppy, my whole universe shifted! She gave me a reason to live, and taught me it was okay to love myself, too.

But that's not the end of the story! When my parents divorced, she went where I went- staying weekdays at my mom's, spending weekends at my dad's. She took me for walks anytime I needed them! And she turned into my shadow. Where I went, she went! Even something like moving from one room to another- she just follows! It's something that continues to this day. For example, as I write this, she is sleeping on my feet. She sleeps next to me in bed at night. She likes to follow me into the bathroom. Don't get me started on car rides!

But that's not the end, either. In my sophomore year of high school, the bipolarish-side of my Schizoaffective Disorder went crazy and my mania sky-rocketed, out of control. There was a period of a few months where I just didn't sleep. I couldn't. They put me on anti-psychotics and sedatives and sleeping meds, but my mind wouldn't slow down. I had to drop out of the rest of that year of school because I started to freak out. In classrooms, my mania would make my brain go crazy and my heart pound. When people did something like scrape a chair back on the hard floor, it was all I could do not to scream. I ended up in the bathroom a lot, locked in a stall, rocking back and forth, clutching my head, telling it to "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP." It was then I started getting crazy paranoia, too. Since I couldn't be in school, I stayed at home, which helped the mania because I could run and shout and do anything I needed to. But the paranoia took hold of my brain. Alone in the house, I was certain people were behind me, creeping up. Looking at me in windows. And short of sitting in a corner all day long, I couldn't keep an eye on everything. So I let Otis do that. She stayed by me day and night, and I knew she would never let anything get me. She would bark if a stranger was creeping up on me. It was a huge load off my mind. There were days I was afraid to take a shower because I didn't want to be alone and vulnerable in the bathroom when whatever it was came to get me. So Otis lay on the floor of the bathroom while I took a shower. She was my constant protector, and is til this day.

I think what makes my bond with her so strong is that she can do for me what nothing and no one else can: she can protect me from what it inside my head. I mean, I could get a home-security system and armed guards, but they couldn't do for me what she can. And on top of that, her personality helps make her who she is. As a tiny infant, that tenacious dog would NOT give in, and she's not about to let me give up, either.

I'm really not much of a poet, but I hope you'll forgive me being metaphorical here: I often think of her as a ship. (Kind of ironic I call her Oater-Boater) She saved me from drowning in shark-infested waters and she's carried me on this incredible journey ever since. Unfortunately, ships don't go forever. I know one of these days she's gonna drop me off on an island somewhere, and sail off without me. I dread this day more than anything, ever. I know she'll drop me off at a very safe place, but it's gonna take all I've got to not follow her. Luckily, I know that there could be no worse insult to her memory than to undo all of the good she's done for me, and I won't.

Some debts can never be settled. Some kindnesses can never be repaid. I will never be able to give back all that she has given me, but the thing is, I don't have to. We love each other to death, and that's all that matters.

So! Thank you for letting me go on and on about this silly old dog. I know it won't have much effect on your life, but it does me good to talk about her. All I can say to you is, if you ever get lonely, maybe... get a pet. I'm a living example of what good one animal can do.

HAPPY THURSDAY!!

Hey guess what??

I'm OFF JURY DUTY! Woo-hoo!

Sarah

A Brief Listory

Happy September to Cyberspace! And to you, of course. I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited for the end of September. Why? Well!

1. I'm tired of Summer heat! I like being cool and wearing hoodies and taking my hair out of it's ever-present Summer Ponytail.
2. Fall and Winter are my favorite times of the year. I love Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years....and St. Andrew's Day!
3. I WILL BE FREE OF JURY DUTY

I thought for today's Wordsday Thursday, I'd do a bunch of lists concerning my history... a Listory, if you will. The alternate name would, I suppose, be "Hist," but just because Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin, I don't have to act like it!

A few months ago, I was in the Medicine Shoppe waiting for a prescription to be filled (I'm there all the time) and I was struck with curiosity about my medical file... more specifically what and how many medications I have taken over the years. I must say, the staff was incredibly obliging and printed me out a list of all the prescriptions they filled for me over the past 10 years (they couldn't go back any farther). Now, keep in mind this is including repeats- say every time a doctor wrote me a new prescription for a medicine I'd been taking a while. It was 51 pages. Granted, there were quite a few one-time meds: for colds and flus and stomach problems, and painkillers for having my Wisdom teeth removed. Still, the remaining list is quite impressive, and I'd like to share it with you! There are a few on the list that are very similar, but not quite the same things. Everything in the list was used to treat, in part or in entirety, my Schizoaffective/Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders. Also, keep in mind back when this list started, they just thought I had an awful case of depression. It's been a long journey!

1. Fluoxetine
2. Lithium
3. Welbutrin
4. Risperdal
5. Budeprion
6. Lexapro
7. Levothyroxin (used to counteract the damage caused by taking Lithium)
8. Abilify
9. Invega
10. Geodon
11. Lunesta
12. Seroquel
13. Risperidone
14. Lamotrigine
15. Lamictal
16. Depakote
17. Topiramate
18. Divalproex
19. Diazepam
20. Zyprexa
21. Clozapine
22. Citalopram
23. Numerous facial creams to combat my Lithium-induced acne (nice try!)

If it seems like I'm bragging, I am. Well... not exactly, but I'm proud of how far I've come. I remember one night, several years ago, I looked down at my hand just overflowing with pills that were just barely keeping me functioning, and thought, "I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Something's gotta change." And it did! I finally found the pills that make me feel good and alive, and I'm doing better than ever. If anybody reading this is going through a similar struggle, just keep fighting! You'll get there, I promise.

My mind is really not a very quiet place. I have music on repeat. All. The. Time. And stupid, annoying music too! I mean, I know from time to time we all get "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" stuck in our heads, or some new song that's played on the radio all the time, but I've got a few "favorites" that keep inexplicably popping up:

1. We Wish You a Merry Christmas (this affects me all year long, I can't figure it out)
2. The Meow-Mix jingle
3. This tune from the movie "Amadeus"

The top news headlines I remember most vividly:

1. "AMERICA AT WAR"- I was actually home sick with a cold on September 11, 2001, so I saw the news about it all day. This headline kept popping up and it's bracing frankness was more than a little bit terrifying
2. "NEW MEXICO ON FIRE"- More recently, when we had the Track Fire here in New Mexico, that same summer there were just dozens and dozens of fires all over the state. On the news at night they'd show a map of NM and it was almost entirely made up of red areas, indicating out-of-control wildfires. It was scary and depressing.

And finally, here is a list of all the world disasters that I shouldn't have lived through, but managed to pull through anyway:

1. Y2K
2. Swine flu
3. The Mayans calendar prediction of the World ending in 2012
4. Jury duty

Just kiddin'.... kind of.

;)

Sarah