No Politics, I Promise

As my first blog after one of the biggest, craziest elections of all time, what ELSE would I talk about except...

THE CHRISTMAS CAROL!!

Haha! I (and the majority of America) am absolutely sick of politics, and I have no inclinations whatsoever to discuss them in this blog. Instead... happier things!

In this year's upcoming Christmas Carol, my sister and I have been cast as the Charwomen, two ladies of questionable morality, robbing Scrooge's home and dead body of whatever they can get their hands on. It is one of the few comedic scenes in the play, and there aren't many lines, so it is ideal for me. Also, since it is my sister and I, we work well together and have come up with some silly things to do and say in our little part.

Tonight was the Charwomen's first real rehearsal, and we showed up at the Shuler about 6:00. We were the first ones to rehearse and it didn't take long, but we were in the theater long enough for me to get nostalgic. I know I make fun of Raton a lot, and usually for good reason, but I have to say, one of the best thing about this little town is the Shuler Theater. It's old and beautiful, and I am so glad that I've been able to see and experience it from top to bottom, inside and out. I've been in several productions, and band performances, so I've been onstage a decent amount. But I've also been up in the lighting booth, all over backstage and downstairs, up in the costumes department, and once, even in the men's bathroom!

I remember the year we put on Miracle on 34th Street especially, because I was so involved in helping backstage and up in the lighting booth, where I ran the spotlight. Since I did so much that year, I also had some unusual opportunities, like being in the theater when almost no one else was. I went in one wintry afternoon to touch up some scratches on the stage with black paint, alone except for one or two people in the far-off front office. I stood on the stage, listening to the bitter cold wind howling against the tall building. The lights were up and bright and I stood center stage, looking out into the empty audience. I felt... powerful. There's no better way to put it.

After I finished touch-ups and cleaned the paint brush, I lowered myself into the pit where there is one lone piano. I pushed up the keyboard lid and let my fingers brush against the keys. Down on the bass end of the piano, I began to play the bottom part of "Heart and Soul", the chords ringing out all through the empty theater, over the vacated seats, up to splash against the ornate painted ceiling.

I love the feeling of getting the show's set up and together, and hearing the dull roar of a full audience chatting before a performance. It's a cool sensation to be downstairs below the stage, actors laughing and talking and applying their obligatory stage makeup.

We are lucky to have some REALLY talented people here in Raton! Great actors and beautiful voices, and I think this year's production of A Christmas Carol, directed by Clint Henson, is going to be great!

There's something about Christmastime shows that really get me in the spirit. Please come out to support us! :)

Happy Thursday!

Sarah

Sarah on Sports

Last night, my sister and I went up to our Dad's house to watch the CMAs on TV. None of us are huuuuuuge country fans, but it was fun to watch all the performances, and all three of us knew more country stars than we thought! But every couple of ads, our Dad had us switch the channel over to the World Series... Indians vs. the Cubs! And as soon as the CMAs ended, we switched right back to baseball. It was the top of the 10th inning and things were close! My sister and I had been planning on heading straight home, but we got caught up in the game and stayed to watch. I'm glad we did!

I am not.. sporty. Not athletic. The only sport I feel comfortable discussing is Quidditch. I was once on a kids basketball team, and I was terrible. Every time I was passed the ball I ended up stepping out of bounds. And even worse, I was once in a small-kid soccer league, and I had NO IDEA what was going on. My game plan was to follow the group of kids running and hope to God the ball wouldn't come anywhere near me. On the unfortunate occasions that I couldn't avoid the ball, I kicked it as hard as I could. In any direction. And the kids on my team hated me.

Lately, my sister has been diligently and patiently teaching me the rules of football... I am a bad student! But I'm making progress. It's funny, all the 20-odd years I've been going to football games, I somehow managed to never learn the rules! I either brought a book or busied myself with people watching and trips to the concessions stand.

But even though I'm no sports fanatic, it doesn't mean I don't like them! I'm enjoying football more now that I understand it better, and I like watching the ads during the Super Bowl. I don't mind watching a little golf because I like to do the golf clap, and I make fun of the golfers. I call Phil Mickelson, Mick Phillison, and I like when Rickie Fowler and Rory McIlroy wear bright outfits and silly golf-pants. I like watching basketball because even though I was terrible, somehow I always somehow pictured myself as the next Michael Jordan. Ahh, to be young and delusional! Watching baseball reminds me of my dad and going to Sky Sox games in Colorado Springs as a family. My sister and I always like to laugh at the players "at bat" songs they pick. Once one guy picked a Miley Cyrus song and we suspected he got a lot of shit for that. Some of my earliest memories are being afraid of Sox the Fox, and being coached to yell "HIT ME THE DAMN BALL!!"

So last night after the CMAs, we watched the last inning of the final World Series game, and I'm so glad we did! Our Dad showed us the tricky board that shows what inning it is, and how many outs, etc. And he pointed out the Indian's coach chewing gum like a madman. And we watched history being made! The Chicago Cubs won the World series for the first time in 108 years! The interviews with the players were really cool and sweet, because it was obvious how much it meant to them. And Dad pointed out all the players heading to the locker room, wearing goggles, ready to pop some champagne!

That was it for baseball this year, but with all this football coming up, coupled with my sister's tenacity, I'm sure to be an expert in no time!

Sarah

P.S. There were so many political ads on that night, it was sickening. WE ARE SO CLOSE

Also, click here to see another sports blog I wrote, in much more detail

This Will Not Surprise You

I LIKE TATTOOS.

Well, a lot of them, anyway. All of mine, certainly! I mean, I once saw a rough-looking guy with "FUCK ALL YOUS BITCHES" tattooed on his forearms, in the doctor's office waiting room, of all places! I didn't particularly like that one, although I'm sure there was an... interesting story behind it.

And when it comes to tattoos, I know I'm not alone! Especially people around my age.. we've really grown up seeing them on on actors, musicians, friends, siblings, parents. You know, Pocahontas had one, and so did most of the Spice Girls!

I think to my generation, tattoos are common enough that we don't see the... extremity of them, just their individuality, their creativity. To me, they are just another form of expression, a way of showing the world something is important to us. The saying "Wearing my heart on my sleeve" has now become "Wearing my love in my skin." Well, mostly! The guy in the doctor's office was obviously going in a different direction.

But I also know some people don't really like tattoos at all. And that's okay, too. Absolutely! I know a lot of my family members would fall into this category. Sometimes I just wish I could show you tattoos through my eyes! They are a way to celebrate, to mourn, to love, to learn, to change. And I don't bring this up so that you want to go out and get tattoos, of course not! I just wish I could explain it so you might understand why it is I love them, and love getting them.

This totally surprises me, but at 24, I already have moments when I think, "Those kids today! They do the weirdest things!" even though I'm only a few years ahead of them. These kiddo's fascination with Justin Bieber, I will never get. Or shaving off half their eyebrows. Or eating "McNasties" at McDonalds. I can only figure this is what some older generations think about tattoos. Or dyeing our hair or piercing our bodies in odd places.

I am very family-oriented, and I HATE disappointing my family and making them mad at me. Getting tattoos shouldn't make them angry, but I worry that it will... I just hope they know that me getting tattooed is never to hurt them, but to feel better about myself.

And I have devised a plan! A creative, effective plan! As I have written previously, I am working on my first book. I originally gave myself a deadline of Christmas this year to finish writing, but then I went and got blood clots in my lungs and, later, had to change some of my meds around. Excuses, excuses, I know! Well, I decided that only after completing the book will I allow myself to get any more tattoos. It's been about 6 years since my last one! And what strange things will I someday be tattooing? you ask. Strange things like my Otis' pawprint, of course! :) And different sayings and symbol that are important to me. Nothing crazy, or in crazy places. Just things I can look at and smile.

Like my crazy hair, my tattoos are just another way I feel unique and individual and attractive.

Happy Thursday, guys!!

Sarah

OTIS FOR PRESIDENT

As we all know, last night was the final televised Presidential Debate. I will admit, I have never before watched one in it's entirety. But last night, I DVR'd it, and watched it afterwards. I paused and jumped back a couple times, mostly in "Did they just say what I think they said?" incredulity.

But I am glad I watched it! It didn't change my mind, it just made me feel even more strongly about certain issues... and people. Ohhhh, I have strong feelings about some people! But last night made me totally and completely realize, while I certainly prefer one candidate over the other, I'm still not a huge fan of either! But what can we do, right? We're kind of stuck, right?

WRONG!

I would like to introduce you to the newest, brightest, bestest presidential candidate of our time... OTIS!

Otis is a United States citizen, born here in the great state of New Mexico (yes, it's a state, not a country). She was born in 2004, making her meet (in dog years) the age qualification. She is a powerful, passionate member of the Canine party. She was born into absolute poverty, but she overcame it! She once took a DNA test, and the results came up as incredibly varied... a rich cultural history, which is what this country is founded upon!

Some other presidential qualities...

• Otis is fluent in English and Dog-Speak, not to mention the bits of Spanish, Elvish and Dothraki she has picked up living with me.
  
• She is undeniably smart and capable, no doubt partly due to her superior brain AND when she was a baby, she occasionally got fed human baby formula, when the store was out of puppy milk.
  
• In response to health and fitness, Otis is an avid fan of walks, and encourages outdoor play, particularly with tennis balls and swimming pools. In fact, that is her presidential slogan:
  
  LET'S GO FOR A WALK!
  
• Otis has chosen for her vice president a long time family friend, colleague, and roommate, Amy! Amy is a cat, which speaks volumes about Otis' tolerance of other cultures.
  
• Otis has done extensive traveling, and enjoys meeting new people and getting to sniff around new places. When traveling by car, she enjoys sitting in the front seat instead of relaxing in the backseat: she is very hands (paws) on!
  
• Otis is absolutely and unequivocally a LEADER, not a follower. While she takes other's feelings into account, she is very headstrong and does not fold under pressure. For example, when told to "sit", she instead tosses her head at the idiocy of the person giving the command.
  
• As mentioned above, Otis had a rough start in life, abandoned as an hours-old infant. But her tenacity and unwillingness to ever, ever give up has made her a stronger dog.
  
• She has a tendency to rescue those in need, and all she asks in return is: food including hot dogs, a soft and warm bed to sleep in, a yard to explore, a clean bowl of water, WALKS, her daily arthritis pill, chew sticks, squeaky toys, tennis balls, plastic swimming pools in summer, heat sources in winter, a good occasional brushing, car rides, help hopping on top of things, lots of attention, and Chester, the incredible blue lobster toy. See? Not demanding at all.
  
• Otis is an incredibly fast learner! ...when she wants to be. Old dogs can learn new tricks, they just have to make the decision. 

Are you not totally and completely convinced? I know I am! So on November 8th, go out there and vote! Write Otis' name on the ballot.

LET'S GO FOR A WALK WITH OTIS!!

Hahaha

Sarah

P.S. Thanks Emmy and Dad for your help brainstorming

Facebook TBT... 2 YEARS WORTH

I had an appointment up in Pueblo today! I puttered around the mall a little (they've got a Halloween store open!), and I had to walk through Barnes & Noble, of course. But the most exciting thing was... I went to a movie by myself! Sound stupid? Maybe. But it felt like an accomplishment. I've never in my life gone to a movie theater by myself. I went to see... (drum-roll!)

SUICIDE SQUAD!! For the 4th time! What can I say.. I love it! And I found out that it won't be released on DVD until December sometime and I didn't want to wait that long before I saw it again. It originally came out over two months ago, and today in the theater, it was just me and some weird girl who went to the very back of the movie theater and slept the whole time.

After that, I drove back to Trinidad and met my sister and dad for Chinese food. Delicious!

I tell you all of this because I'm trying to sound like I have a super busy, crazy life and simply don't have the time to come up with good blog ideas. Ahem. Seeing as I didn't have ONE good creative blog idea, I decided to go back through my Facebook posts and share some of the funnier and more interesting ones, particularly the anecdotal ones. I shared one (see below!) the other day about a customer and his dog and a lot of people liked it. Stories of people are fun. Throwback Thursday!



October 12th, 2016

This afternoon I had an older man come in to buy some parts for a chainsaw. When he came up to the front counter to pay, he dug deep in his pockets and pulled out a handful of crumpled ones and fives, along with some loose change that clattered across the counter, and one thing more. You know the folders and binders that are really popular in grade school, the ones with the pictures of kittens and puppies in fields of flowers or fast asleep on the couch? Well, this man pulled out a similar little notepad with a fat fluffy puppy on the cover. I saw it and smiled.. who doesn't like puppies??? He followed my line of sight to the notepad and gave a quiet chuckle. He nudged it gently with his thumb and told me, "This is exactly what my dog looked like as a puppy. Mix of a German Shepherd and a Lab... smartest dog I ever met. He could spell! I'd tell him, 'Want some M-I-L-K?' and he would run over to the fridge. I'd say, 'Shh! Here comes a C-A-T!' and he would growl." He was quiet for a second, while internally I was awwwwww-ing like crazy. "Had him for 17 years," the man said. "I still miss him everyday."
So I just got home and hugged Otis for about five minutes, and kissed her nose, and told her she could never ever leave me. And then I gave her a H-O-T-D-O-G.


July 8th, 2016

If anyone ever needs proof that I'm a good person, tell them that today, at SuperSave, I pushed not only my own shopping cart, but also my father's shopping cart, and then some lazy stranger's shopping cart all the way to the cart return across the wet, soggy parking lot. You're welcome, world.


May 10th, 2016

Can I just admit something, please? I LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER. I am an awwwwwwful singer, but with no one around to mock me, I enjoy it. I have a rather... eclectic taste in music, so I have quite a variety of material to sing-- anywhere from Backstreet Boys' "The Call" to Lamb of God's "Omerta" (although that one is not so sing-y.) But every so often, I really feel like challenging myself...

May 4th, 2016

So I was just in Kmart getting some necessities, and a young woman approached me as I was digging through the $5.00 movie bin. "Do you work here??" she demanded, looking peeved.
"Um, no," I answered. Bewildered, I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing blue jeans, a black Star Wars T-shirt, and purple Crocs. I wasn't even wearing my ACE apron, which might throw people off.
"Oh, sorry," she said, turning pink. "I was gonna yell at you about your printer ink." She ducked her head sheepishly and turned away.
"No...problem," I managed.
I bent down to pick up the basket at my feet.
"Excuse me!" an older woman called. "Do you work here??"
"WTF!!" my subconscious squawked.
My brow furrowed. "No, sorry, I don't."
"Oh, okay," she said, looking embarrassed.
The man she was shopping with shook his head as they walked away. "No!! She works at ACE, remember?"
I texted my sister, dumbfounded. Her theory is that people recognize me from ACE, and, without thinking, assume I work there. My theory is that I just exude an air of authority.
Thoughts?


March 14th, 2016

Hi, Facebook people! I'm sorry I haven't posted much or been really active online lately... I've had a crazy few weeks! To make a long story short, I was sent to the ER where they found blood clots in my lungs and right leg, I was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Albuquerque, and I stayed there a few days while they did tests and started me on blood thinners. I am so happy to report that I am feeling fine and I am back home! I'll just be on blood thinners a while, plus I have to be on oxygen 24/7. I probably won't be online much for a while, but at the very least, when I feel up to it, I have plenty to blog about!! :) Thanks to everyone who has given support, visited me and checked up on me!


January 22nd, 2016

So! This is THE PRESENT! For my sister's birthday, I took a cheap Barbie doll and hand-made clothes to make her look like Pam Beesly from The Office. Easier said than done! I am no sewing master... I used a hot-glue gun! So I took handkerchief-size pieces of fabric, cut them into weird shapes, and glued them together. I cut and styled the Barbie's hair to look more like Pam's. I went to KMart and bought a little tiny pack of accessories to find shoes that look like Pam's white ones. Finally, because Pam is kind of pale, I white-washed the Barbie's skin with water and acrylic paint because the Barbie was a "beach" Barbie and was much too tan. Kind of dumb, but I am proud of the result!

January 9th, 2016

Question: what is it about humans vomiting that cats find so fascinating? Every time I puke I have a captivated audience


January 7th, 2016

I keep having bad dreams about showing up to Middle School Band rehearsals and having no knowledge of the music we are playing and no reeds for my clarinet. Note to subconscious: Mid School Band was TEN YEARS ago! Calm down!


December 25th, 2015

I think I hear Santa on my roof!! Either that or my festive neighbors with bad timing are setting off a bunch of fireworks...


December 7th, 2015

So for the third consecutive work day, I got totally busted jamming to the radio.. singing softly (and poorly), bopping around in a version of a dance. Black Sabbath, Taylor Swift, and "Feliz Navidad". What can I say? I have eclectic musical tastes


December 4th, 2015

What is it about homemade Christmas presents that has me spray painting outside at 10:00 at night, in 33 degree weather? I swear this happened to me last year, too...


November 22nd, 2015

Today I cleaned out my refrigerator. On the bottom shelf, towards the back, I found a burnable CD. I'm rather... puzzled


September 8th, 2015

If, like me, you ever lose track of your cats, all you have to do is:
A. Put out an empty cardboard box or
B. Try to make your bed up neatly.
I guarantee they will pop up out of nowhere


September 5th, 2015

Just saw the year's first Christmas ad on TV. September 5th... kudos, Kmart!

June 12th, 2015

Damn it, InGen! When will you learn you cannot successfully make a dinosaur-based theme park?!

May 27th, 2015

Gotta love family trips to the liquor store...

April 29th, 2015

One of the coolest scenes from one of the best movies ever! Made even cooler since Children of Bodom used parts of this requiem in their song "Red Light in My Eyes, Part 2!" I need to watch this movie again!

April 17th, 2015

Just now I was outside with Otis, throwing her tennis ball. She started digging in the soft, damp earth and I scolded her, "Don't dig up the yard! You're not a gopher." As soon as I uttered the word "gopher", she stopped mid-dig and stared at me with rapt attention. Bewildered by her odd reaction, I tried the word again. "Gopher...?" She tossed her head excitedly and ran across the yard to look me in the eyes. It took me a solid 5 minutes to figure out that when I say "gopher", like the burrowing rodent, she hears "go for", as in "go for a ride" or "go for a walk." I need to work on my enunciation...

April 1st, 2015

Just now I was outside throwing a tennis ball for Otis and a small white feather, carried by a light breeze, circled slowly in the air before gently landing next to me. I had the strong urge to tuck it into an old copy of Curious George! I don't have one here, but surely another good book will do! After all, this may be the start of my story :)

March 25th, 2015

I made this for Elizabeth Record :) It's a riddle! Haha! A very easy riddle...

March 7th, 2015

Last night I was getting ready for bed and I put Otis outside while I brushed my teeth. I took a big swig of mouthwash and swished it around while I let Otis back inside. That was when I hit my heel hard on the metal doorframe, scraping off skin and drawing blood. Normally I would have shouted and cursed because it hurt! But my mouth was full of Listerine, so, instead I collapsed onto my knees, letting out this nasal bellow like an injured cow! It's times like these that I'm glad I live alone..

March 1st, 2015

In my opinion, if you don't feel at least a little bit like a mad scientist when dyeing your hair, you're doing it wrong

February 27th, 2015

Aww, snap!

February 26th, 2015

Over the past 12 hours or so I watched Game of Thrones, Season 4 in its entirety- 10 episodes, about an hour apiece, plus breaks to let the dog out and time to re-watch certain scenes over and over because I couldn't believe they actually happened. My mind is in a dumb-struck jumble! On the bright side, I don't even remember the last time I was up this early! It just probably doesn't count because I haven't gone to bed yet...

February 1st, 2015

So I know everyone's been all pumped about the damn Super Bowl, and the scores and statistics that go along with it. But now I have a much more urgent and pressing question of chances and statistics: WILL THE GROUNDHOG SEE HIS SHADOW?

January 29th, 2015

After I got out of the shower last night, I couldn't find Otis anywhere! I looked all around the new house for her, puzzled and a little worried. Finally I found my sweet old dog, curled up in the back of my closet, sound asleep. Moving really takes it out of you!

January 27th, 2015

Today I officially moved into my new house! Earlier in the day we moved some bigger stuff over like my bed, etc, and this evening I brought over some smaller things like clothes, shampoo, and... PETS! Otis, I was not worried about: she's been riding in cars her whole life. Now the cats... sigh. I will spare you the insignificant details of our journey and just give the highlights: 20 minutes of stuffing cats into carriers, the miserable yowling of 3 pissed off cats in the car, running into a police blockade, Amy escaping from her carrier (loose in the car!), driving like a bat out of hell to end the misery, grabbing Amy and dashing into the house while she thrashed around like a fish. I am glad to be HOME!! 

January 22nd, 2015

I will soon be moving across town and I've been packing like crazy and I've had to arrange for my internet and TV to be moved to the new house. Last night I called to transfer the TV and I have to say, the woman I spoke to was probably THE CHATTIEST customer service rep ever. She told me to make sure and rest a lot because she'd "heard a lot of people in New Mexico have colds" and our conversation ended with her approving of my constant reading because it "helps build vocabulary". I'm not quite that chatty, but it was still nice

January 14th, 2015

My cat Sheldon just made his great escape. I had the door open for Otis to come back inside and quick as, well, a cat, he darted past my feet, through my outstretched arms, amidst my cries of "Dammit, Sheldon, no!" outside into the cold night. He took a few bounds, skidded on the icy sidewalk, and turned tail and ran back into the warm house, meowing madly. Jeeeeeeez. What a weenie. I was expecting more of an adventure...

January 12th, 2015

My dad is so awesome. He recently got a new phone and every so often he has problems texting. I got a mysterious text from him with weird letters and characters, then a minute later he explained he couldn't get rid of the damn text, so he just sent it. Problem solving!!

January 7th, 2016

I was just watching the People's Choice Awards with my dad and sister and the last award was given by Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office!) to "The Best TV Show", which included Game of Thrones, The Big Bang Theory, and NCIS. I just about died.

January 4th, 2015

So, thanks to Elizabeth Record and David Henry I've been obsessed with the show Game of Thrones for months and months now. Today my dad, David and I helped my sister move her things down to Abq, where she will be going to school. On the way home my dad and I stopped in Santa Fe and I purchased the first GOT book, because its high time I read the series and become even more obsessed. WELL on the back cover it gave some info on the author, George R. R. Martin. Where does he live? SANTA FE!! Where does he also like to hang out? ALBUQUERQUE! WHAT is this MADNESS!! I think I'm gonna be spending lotsa time with my sister in Abq 

December 22nd, 2014

So, one thing is for sure... before tonight I had never spray painted something black outside. At night. With only a flashlight. In windy, 40 degree weather. I'm not very confident in the paint job, but hey Christmas is 3 days away! Remind me to start earlier next year...

November 4th, 2014

So I was watching The Office and I realized I totally have a crush on Jim Halpert. Unfortunately it would probably not work out because I'm like a female version of Dwight Schrute...

October 25th, 2014

I was just watching Napoleon Dynamite and it made me realize... I kinda want a love like Kip and LaFawnduh's

Two whole years worth of interesting tidbits! This is what most people use Twitter for. Alas! And this is nowhere NEAR all the things I post on FB of pictures and blog notices and whatnot. These are just a select few.

I PROMISE to have a better blog next week!! Either that or better excuses ;)

Happy Throwback Thursday, guys.

Sarah

Priceless Photos Included

You know how they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words..."? Well, dammit, it's Thursday night and I'm at a loss for good blogging material. So! I perused my Facebook for some of the more... interesting photos I have on there.. just to tell you the odd/funny/weird stories behind them!

We'll start out with a classic: Alexi Laiho!!

If you're unfamiliar with him, Alexi is the lead-guitarist and and lead singer for the band Children of Bodom! They remain my favorite band, but I used to be flat-out CRAY-SEE for them. So imagine my (and my friends and bandmates) delight to learn that CoB was doing a meet-and-greet in Albuquerque before performing a concert at the Sunshine Theater! A bit of background before I continue: I had a huge crush on Alexi Laiho and everybody knew and teased me about it. They said I liked him so much I was beginning to look like him!... and they kind of had a point. Short in stature, long stringy brownish hair, and an affinity for black t-shirts and guitars! ANYWAY! Knowing I would be seeing him face to face, I decided to dress exactly as he did! I wore my special Children of Bodom shirt FROM FINLAND and WRITTEN IN FINNISH, camo pants with chains, and drawn on tattoos to match his.  I gotta say, there was a lot of preparation for what turned out to be a 20 second conversation, but it was so incredibly worth it. You see, on the back of my Finnish CoB t-shirt was a few Finnish words that even hours searching the web could not decipher. So, while the band was signing a t-shirt for me, I gathered my nerve and asked, just what did the back of my shirt mean? And the band kinda got quiet and all looked at each other. Finally Alexi and Janne (the keyboardist) said together, "It's just a saying..." Years and years later, I finally found out it actually meant "Dumbasses Ahead," or something to that effect. Anyway, after exiting the Hot Topic meet and greet location, my friends and I ran screaming from one end of the mall to the other! Finally, we headed back to the store to find my dad. He had not joined us in line, so he had just waited patiently by the door. Turns out, when the band passed him going in, he SHOOK ALEXI'S HAND! I pressed him for details- what did he say What was it like!! All he could come up with was, "He's a tiny little dude, isn't he?"

So! The above pics are a drawing of Alexi, me dressed up as Alexi, and finally Alexi himself!


"Seize the Day," Avenged Sevenfold

Okay! Below I have the link to see the actual video, which I whole-heartedly recommend watching. But just in case you haven't seen the "Seize the Day" music video, and have no desire to, I will summarize it for you. A group of rapscallions (the band) decide they will rob a liquor store despite the band's lead singer's (who shall now be referred to as M. Shadows) pregnant girlfriend's protests. They go. They rob. M. Shadows gets caught. He goes to prison. More happens after that but its irrelevant to this story because all of the scenes in which the band is seen playing are filmed in the prison with the band behind a chain link fence (like this one!) and in one particularly emotional part of the song M. Shadows comes and throttles the fence violently. That was my friends and my favorite part so we decided to re-create it at a nearby park. This song will forever be (for me personally) one of the annoyingest, nasally-sung song ever, and I LOVE it! Click HERE to see the Real Deal

And WHILE we're on the subject of recreating music videos:

"The Truth About Heaven"

As I said, it was another excellent scene to recreate! I must say, both of the original music videos were pretty serious, but somehow parts were still really funny.


Winning the 50/50 raffle!

On one fateful Friday night, I went with my sister to a Raton Tiger's football game. As is customary, we each invested a few bucks in the raffle.. but we were laughing amongst ourselves because earlier in the day, we had eaten Chinese, and my sister's fortune cookie predicted that she would soon come into a great fortune! Well, what do you know!! She won the raffle! This pic is from a little later in the car.. I told her to fan out her cash like you always seen gangsters do on television... not quite as impressive with ones and fives, but still!


"Head Shots"

A couple years ago now, there was a little casting call held at the Shuler. Anyone interested could bring in a head-shot and an information sheet- apparently they were casting extras for some different movies that would be filmed in the area. Well, we thought: why not!! And that night, my sister and I tried our hand at professional photos. Obviously the bottom shot is what we were going for, but I had wayyyy more pics like the top one.


Red River Bike Festival

One year I went with my sister to Red River while the bike rally was in full swing. It was really cool! Bikes and leather and beer all OVER the place!! There was tent after tent of motorcycle merchandise and clothes and bandannas and jewelry. There was even a makeshift stripper pole in the middle of the street! Then, wayyyy off to the side was this little tent. Freaking adorable. And so nice! They gave us a bunch of free stickers!


MIDDLE EARTH... the cake version

Two things about me: I like decorating cakes and I LOOOOOOOOOOVE me some Lord of the Rings!! And to you picky people out there, yeah, yeah, I know it is technically inaccurate but I had to make it work for the cake! And I must say it was delicious... chocolatey, Tolkein-y goodness.


The NEBULIZER

A few years back, I got an awful, awful cold and it realllllllly beat up my lungs! So, for what seemed to be a very, very, very long time, I had to use the above nebulizer to pump albuterol into my lungs several times daily. And right in the middle of this, I went with my dad, uncle, and sister on an ACE trip, and I had to take the whole apparatus with me! Of course, now that I got to live with 24/7 oxygen tanks, the nebulizer was certainly not that bad.


You know, after working at this a while, I realized I have more "weird" pictures than normal ones!

Happy Words-and Picture-day Thursday!

Sarah

Crazy

For a bit of a recap, click here to read an account of my battle with suicidal depression and mental illness, and click here to view my impressive list of medications!
_____________________________________________

My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy. I have Schizoaffective Disorder and OCD. I think most people are at least familiar with OCD, although it varies widely in forms and appearances. For example, I know the automatic symptoms that generally come to mind are excessive cleanliness, order, and, well, an obsessive need to count and check things.

But even my experience of the more recognizable OCD is, as mental illnesses go, pretty unpredictable...although, yes, I am a checker! Multiple (and multiple and multiple) times a day I check to see if I locked my front door and my car door, and I check to make sure none of my cats got into my refrigerator, and I check that my multitude of alarms are set correctly. And then for the rest of my day, I think and think and think about if my doors really are locked and no cats somehow got into my fridge, and at night I worry and worry and worry about my alarms until I finally get up to check them all one last time.

But I also experience weird, obsessive thoughts that I can't direct or control. For example, for a while I was consumed by the idea that I had to prove to myself that I hear out of my ears. I would be doing something normal like working or taking Otis for a walk, and suddenly the thought would pop up and I could think of nothing else. I would have to stop what I was doing and plug and unplug my ears, or if I was listening to music, I would crank it until the volume hurt my ears, and only then could I move on to other ideas.

And a few months ago, I began to experience a bizarre compulsion, one that I can't even begin to explain. When I took showers, I got this peculiar desire to put gasoline on my washcloth and rub it into my skin. It wasn't a self-harm gesture, just the disease twisting and contorting my mind.

As for Schizoaffective Disorder, well, if you're unfamiliar with it, it is a BARGAIN of a disease! Two for one. I get both the depression, mania, and mood-swings associated with mood disorders like Bipolar Disorder, combined with the hallucinations and delusional nature that comes with Schizophrenia.

I have been dealing with hallucinations for a very long time. Even way before my suicidal depression, I had "imaginary friends" that were so much more, and they grew more and more powerful and entrancing and demanding. By the time I attempted suicide, the people I saw were as much a part of my life as real people. At the height of it all, I remember one night waking up to see one of my friends standing next to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and actually felt it. The brain is a creepily strange and powerful thing.

As I got older, I saw new things and said goodbye to old ones. When I was a sophomore in high school, I suddenly became manic. It lasted for months. The idea behind mania, of course, is uncontrollable highs and out of control moods and aggression. But what they don't tell you is how exhausting it all is. And with the mania, came more hallucinations- seeing and hearing and in one creepy instance, the feel of a human hand on my side when I was taking a shower.

One evening (morning!) I was up, up, up, and I had gone downstairs to play on the computer and not wake up my dad. It was pretty quiet downstairs, just me and the dogs and cats, Otis fast asleep on my foot. Suddenly, I heard the TV come on in my dad's room (I was directly beneath it). It got louder, and I could hear the voices and the soundtrack, even the cracks of gun shots. I could tell it was a western, probably a John Wayne classic. My dad watches them from time to time. After listening quite a while to the far off murmur of conversation and horse whinnies, I happened to glance at the computer's clock. It was after 3:00 in the morning, wayyyyy too late for my dad to be up. I figured he must have fallen asleep... and then the TV noise got louder. Much louder. Nudging Otey off my foot, I got up and headed upstairs. The closer I got to my dad's room, the more noisy it got. But the actual "Western" movie sounds were fading, and being replaced by the roar of your ears when you try to listen to silence. WHOOOOOOSH. By the time I got up to his room, the movie sounds were all gone... and for good reason, too! The TV was off, and had been all night. I woke my dad up, bothered, and he told me he hadn't watched a Western in months, just sports and the Food Network.

Another instance around the same time was one afternoon when I came downstairs and glimpsed my sister... even though she was really hundreds of miles away, at school!

But this story does get much happier! Namely, when I found my miracle medicine... CLOZARIL!! You see, it took a very long time for me to get on Clozaril, because it's what they consider it an "if all else fails" kind of medication. Clozaril works wonders, but it can be very dangerous.. that's why it comes with unending monthly blood tests. And I certainly fell into the "last option" category!

And just what does it do? you ask. I will let Clozaril tell you in its own words! Directly from the "Patient Education" sheet I get every month with my refill:

"This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood disorders (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders). Clozaril is a psychiatric medication (anti-psychotic type) that works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain. Clozaril decreases hallucinations and helps prevent suicide in those who are likely to harm themselves. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take part in everyday life."

The same awesome doctor who put me on Clozaril also added Fluoxetine for the OCD, and everything got. So. Much. BETTER!! I finally found my miracle and everything was incredible.

And why am I telling you all about this? Well, this year has not been stellar for me, health-wise. Back in February, I was diagnosed with a DVT and Pulmonary Emboli (see the whole story here), which necessitated me being on oxygen 24/7 and basically having the energy of a bump on a log for a few months.

Then cut to about 2 months ago. Slowly, haltingly, unstoppably, I started to notice problems. The OCD checking got out of control. My moods became erratic. And worst of all... I started to hear things. See things. I admit, I made a mistake. I should have told someone right away.. my family and my doctor. But scared and stubborn, I decided to wait it out. I kept hearing whispers all the time, and shadows flashed around my peripheral vision.

The funny thing about my family is, they know things about me sometimes before I know them myself! And they could tell something was wrong. And you know what? As soon as I came clean, I felt about a million times better already. I met with my doctor, who upped my meds considerably, and for about 2 weeks I went to live with my dad. It may sound stupid, me being a 24 year old and going to live with my pop, but there is something to be said for company! Good, solid company that keeps you anchored and safe. Just like texting my sister 24/7 and phone conversations with my mom.

I just want to say, I know not everyone is a fan of meds. Even just looking on Facebook, I know a lot of people think they are unnecessary and only the weak turn to them. Well.. you know what? They sure work for me.

My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but it makes me no less of a person. Quite the contrary, really. If you know me well, or even just read my blogs, you've probably seen me share this Abraham Lincoln quote before: "A tendency to melancholy... let it be observed, is a misfortune, not a fault." I definitely feel it is applicable to this, too!

I will tell you something: In the book I am writing, my main character has all the problems I have, and a great deal of the book is figuring out what is real, what is not, what is really important, and how to change your perspective.  Basically in my book, the main character (and the reader!) get to decide how to deal with her problems.. maybe they are not so bad or crippling after all.

"Crazy" is an interesting concept, when you really think about it. Me seeing and hearing things, yeah, that's crazy. But anybody hopped up on caffeine or sugar could be called "crazy." Someone with a strong affinity for something is "crazy."  I call Otis "crazy" all the time, especially when I play with her squeaky toys and she gets all growly and... crazy.

In a weird way I think we associate "crazy" with strength and determination in one way or another, and that's not so bad! I would like to share a quote with you all:

“Do you think I’ve gone round the bend?”
“I’m afraid so. You’re mad, bonkers, completely off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

My name is Sarah and I just might be crazy... but aren't we all, just a little?

Thanks for reading, guys! I know I have a tendency to overshare, but I just gotta write about it! It makes me feel better.

Sarah

She's Got Style!

My one great vanity is my hair. My hair color, specifically. Has been for years! So when people ask how I would describe my personal style, I struggle to find a term better than "hair-based." Okay, my everyday style could be called, I suppose, "casual". I wear jeans and a black t-shirt just about every single day. As boring as that sounds, the range and scope of my black t-shirts is impressive, and just about every book, movie, and TV show I love is represented. Don't believe me? Just try me!

Frasier? Big Bang Theory? Supernatural? Duh.
Suicide Squad? It may be new, but I'm good at getting t-shirts quickly.
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter? Who doesn't? Not to mention, I have a couple t-shirts even of the actual Abraham Lincoln.
Lord of the Rings? Bingo, from the trilogy and The Hobbit!
Game of Thrones? You make me laugh!
Harry Potter? Always ;)

Not to mention, a bunch of totally random shirts like a cat wearing Batman's mask, one from the Albuquerque Rattlesnake Museum, an "I love Otis" shirt, and last but not least, this winner:

But... style?

Several years ago, I was at my Grama's house and found this picture, of my Gram's father and his sisters:

Now, THEY had style! And what about the "master of the house" featured in this clipping (also found at my Gram's house, incidentally) from a verrrrry old magazine:

Those were TRUE masters of fashion. And I understand that there are plenty of people around today that are actually clothing gurus.. I used to watch What Not To Wear with my mom all the time!

... I just will never be one. And that bothers me not one iota! I just settle with having awesome hair, fun perfume (I'm obsessed!), cool jewelry and wearing "interesting" makeup (bright green eyeliner and two gold dots at the outer corners of both eyes, thank yew very much!). And I wear my heart not on my sleeve, but on the front of a t-shirt.

That's all the style I need :)

Sarah

Time Wasters!

Today, on my day off, I cleaned a little! I changed the litter boxes and threw out all the trash and I swept up my kitchen floor. Mostly, though, I did my best to organize my books. They are everywhere in my house! Stacked atop and below my bedside table, piled up in the bathroom, crammed into my over-stuffed bookshelves, covering counter tops, mountains practically blocking the view to my television, heaped into a pyramid on my piano, amassed on couches and chairs, and basically encroaching on my personal space. Considering that I both read constantly and aspire to be a writer, you could say that I am both surrounded by them and consumed by them.... and I couldn't care less! In fact, I love it. I once got a fortune cookie that said "Book lovers never go to bed alone", a quote I find quite accurate.

Anyway, in today's skirmish with literature, I came across a fat, worn, paperback Spanish/English (Español-Inglés!) dictionary, and I recognized it immediately. In our senior year of high school, my friend gave it to me, and I made great use of it! My friend and I were both in the same 7th hour class, and we did almost nothing the whole year.. lots of free time! And sure enough, opening the front cover, there are two names-- my friend's, and under hers (strangely in my handwriting)...

JOAQUIN TRAVESURAS!

¡Ai, Jaoquin! Hadn't thought of him in years. Joaquin was my friend's "pen-pal"... me! Over the school year, I wrote my friend probably a dozen letters from Joaquin in Spanish, which I would then translate back into English for her. Defeating the purpose of writing them in Spanish, I know, but I had a blast using the dictionary. I actually learned a fair bit of Spanish that way! But most fun of all was Joaquin. Morally ambiguous at best, he had a very shady and vague history that he occasionally alluded to in his letters... in fact, when choosing his name, I decided on "Travesuras" because in Spanish, it means something like "mischief" or "antics", which I thought fit him pretty well. Joaquin had a brother in prison, and oh, Joaquin missed him! He was pretty family-oriented anyway.. I believe he was 30-something and still lived with his parents. But he was quite interesting and fascinated about life here in the U.S.

Yeah, I know I'm weird. But it was a lot of fun, and I actually still have some of the letters my friend wrote back to Joaquin!


Anyway, that got me started thinking about other somewhat foolish, impractical things I do/have done that people might think are pretty stupid... there's a lot! So many, in fact, that it would take more than one blog. But!

Top of the list would probably be learning fictional languages-- Elvish especially. True, I'm nowhere near as fluent as I used to be, I still remember some... and my love for Elvish is apparent, just by looking around my home:

And, like any obsessed pet owner, I have things I always say to Otis and my cats, and even songs that I sing! Like what, you ask? Well! To this tune:

I wrote a song for Sheldon! My vocal, whiny cat.

Sheldon, Sheldon, you are a handsome cat!
Yes, I said it. What do you think about that?
You are a good-looking kitty-
You are cool and nice and witty!
But by my word, you sound absurd
When you cry like a little brat!


So, maybe writing Joaquin Travesuras letters was a complete and utter waste of time, or maybe it was good fictional writing experience for me. Learning Elvish may have been stupid and pointless, but I love it enough that I will enjoy it for the rest of my life. And singing to my cats? Well, okay, that's kind of embarrassing. But don't tell me you've never sung to your pet!

Aren't the dumb, pointless things you do also some of the funnest?


Happy Labor Day Weekend, guys! Woohoo!

Sarah

Everything You'd Ever Want to Know About Warranties

Yesterday, in the late afternoon, a customer came into the store looking to purchase a chainsaw. He was an older man, and as he walked past me on his way to the saws, I caught a heavy whiff of cigarette smoke. After he had selected a saw and the guys took it back to the shop to fill it with gas and start it, he came back up front to wait. Business on the rental side had been pretty slow all day, and the only other customers in the store at the time were way over on the hardware side. With the exception of their far off chatter, the low mumbling of voices on the radio, and the gentle patter of rain on the roof, all was pretty quiet.

Until he came.

When you buy a Stihl chainsaw or string-trimmer, it comes with a warranty (different lengths of time for different purposes- home use? Professional?).  All you have to do is fill out a little piece of paper with some basic information, and then later on I go on Stihl's website and I enter the warranties, so that if there is a problem with the equipment within the confines of the warranty, we will fix the machine with no cost to you. Fascinating stuff!

Anyway, while this man's chainsaw was being prepped, I figured he could at least fill out the warranty while he waited. So, I took the slip of paper out of the paperwork packet and slid it across the counter towards him, along with an ACE pen.

"Ohh, hell no," he said gruffly. "That's way too damn small, and I didn't bring my cheaters. You're gonna have to fill it out for me, 'cause I can't see a goddamn thing."
Fine, fine. He was not the first to come without glasses and make this request, and he won't be the last. So I pulled the slip of paper back towards me and poised my pen, ready to write.

I would like to stop now and tell you, I had a feeling about this man. I suspected he might be a talker! Because he had begun to chatter as soon as he cleared the front doors, spent a good 10 minutes talking to the guys from the shop, and had been yapping all the way back from the chainsaw section up to the front. My suspicions were confirmed as I asked him question after question and not only receiving his answers, but snippets of his life's story. I will not tell you his personal information, of course, but...

He said, and I quote: "Truckers are the scum of the earth! They are lowlifes with no respect for anybody!" You see, he had been (for a number of years!) a worker at a gas station and had to deal with truckers for a very long time. He had a funny habit of saying something harsh or explicit, and then apologizing for it... right before saying something similar. For example:

"And those messy sonsofbitches-- sorry, hon-- well, you know how they like to piss in bottles, then throw their piss-bottles out the window? Well it's guys like me that have to pick them up! Bastards! Oh, sorry. But you know what's worse?? Now they've taken to shitting-- sorry for the language-- SHITTING in plastic bags and throwing the bags out the windows! And you know who has to pick the shit-bags up? Guys like ME!"

All this-- and more!-- I learned from asking for his name and address! And you should have heard him when I asked for a telephone number... apparently he has "theories" about the government concerning phone numbers. Needless to say, I didn't get it, and didn't even attempt to ask for an email.

Anyway, this just got me thinking and reminiscing about the more more memorable customers I've had.

I remember a year or two ago, my sister and I were working outside in the hot July sun, watering what was left of our greenhouse nursery stock. Two older women came and were checking out the plants-- well, one was. The other was eyeing my sister with fear and distaste.  You see, my sister was wearing a concert T-shirt she had gotten years and years prior, from GIGANTOUR, a metal music festival. On the black shirt was a list of the bands underneath a giant genie coming out of a lamp. I mean, it was metal music so it didn't look like the Genie from Aladdin, but it really wasn't too alarming. But the woman thought so-- because she didn't think it was a genie! She thought it was the devil. And she was aghast! My sister gave the woman's friend a good deal on some of the plants left, and she went happily inside to pay. My sister was helping the pious lady start loading the plants when the lady casually mentioned that she had noticed the devil on the t-shirt, which deeply offended her, and stated that she was afraid for my sister's troubled, disturbed, devil-worshiping soul! Wearing the devil's likeness is inviting him to possess you, don't ya know! Devout as the lady was, she suggested my sister start going to church, or at the very least, read the Bible-- that might make her more willing to cast the devil out!

I know deep down the lady meant well, it was just ridiculous to those who know my sister AT ALL, and my sister found it pretty rude and insulting that the lady lecture her like that. IT WAS A FREAKING GENIE!!

Finally, I remember an encounter I had probably 2 or 3 years ago. I had a man come into the store, and he looked rough. He was pretty obviously homeless and travelling. His clothes were filthy and he had mud caked under his fingernails. From what I could tell, he had two possessions in the whole world- a stained, worn backpack and a best friend, his dog. The dog he left outside. He told it to stay, and it did, his obedient companion. Upon entering the store, he came directly to the front counter.
"Ma'am," he said quietly, "Sorry to interrupt. I saw there's a 'No Backpacks' sign on your door, so here is mine-" he handed it over. "May I please use your restroom?"
For some reason, he just sticks in my mind, because he looked kind of questionable, but he was, by far, the most polite and dignified person I saw all day. And I never saw him again.

I would like to note that the opinions mentioned above are the customer's not mine! For example, I have no problem whatsoever with truck drivers...

Happy Wordsday Thursday, guys!

Sarah

P.S. Thanks Emmy for helping reminisce about your devil worshiping days ;)

Quite a Day

My faithful, die-hard fans (both of you!) know by now that Thursdays are my off! I always make big plans to do productive, sensible things- and true to form, I hardly ever keep my plans, at least not to the extent I intended. But! Today I planned to do all my laundry, and that is PRECISELY what I did. Unfortunately, my own dryer is on the fritz... has been for months now, so I haul my dirty clothes to the cheapest laundromat in town- Dad's house!

I could never make such a trip by myself- or so Otis tells me- so I took her with me. We made a pit stop at McDonalds, which meant 5 minutes in the lunchtime traffic and the 10 minutes to my Dad's house spent trying to keep Otis from drooling on the bag of food. 

I brought myself a special task to do today while my loads of laundry were being washed and dried. For well over a year now, I've been working on a writing project. I am hopeful that this will eventually become my first novel! I have given myself a deadline of sorts... necessary if I want to ever get something definite accomplished and not just have some "project" I work on intermittently for the rest of my life. I have given myself until this coming Christmas to develop a workable, completed BOOK! I'm not being too harsh on myself (yet), and I will consider this deadline met even if I still think I can make it better or change some details or move some commas around. ANYWAY, I have a lot written already, but there is a problem: it is written literally. In journals and notebooks and scraps of paper. And in order to make it into book form and print it, I must now enter all of these handwritten pages into my computer... a somewhat daunting prospect! But that's what I did for a few hours this afternoon. It's actually quite rewarding, because I'm now revisiting chapters I wrote months and months ago, and now I can compare them to what I've written more recently- I can see if things still go together, and remind myself of details I'd forgotten, but now want to feature.

It scares me, but some of the stuff I've written is... not too shabby, if I might say so myself.

But, as well as that went, tragedy struck this afternoon! I was outside watering and I stepped on a loose rock and lost my balance. My foot skidded out from under me and with a sickening crack--- MY CROC STRAP BROKE! You know, that plastic bit that goes behind your heel to keep the shoe from sliding off your foot? Death! I LOVE my Crocs, but few share my enthusiasm. In fact! My sister and my dad have been plotting to get rid of them for weeks now, and today's catastrophe just added fuel to their fire, what with summer ending and whatnot.  This episode is not without precedent, I must admit. A year or two, I wore a pair of Crocs so long that I ACTUALLY wore out the sole of the shoe. Like, the bottom of my foot was touching the ground through the shoe. Sigh. I guess it's time to get out my Converse and my boots.

For dinner tonight, I met my sister and my Grandma at KBOBs. It was busy, which is nice to see... not ALL of Raton is dying. It was a good meal, although as we were finishing our dinners, I had a deep thought: You know how they say the actual definition of insanity is "to try the same thing over and over and expect a different result"? Well, I was testing that theory while my Grandma was eating her peach cobbler. I had stabbed a slice of lemon with my fork and repeatedly licked it over and over, grimacing and shuddering, and then licking it again. WTF? I may be a decent writer, but I don't think I'm always the brightest crayon in the box.

Not much of a blog today guys, but I GOTTA keep writing. It's good for me!

Happy Thursday guys.

Sarah

Excuse the Pictures...

Today... I CLEANED!! I cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned. Then I cleaned some more. Before I gave it up for the day, I cleaned a tiny bit more.

What did I do? Well!

Before beginning, I put in my "Les Miserables" DVD for background listening. (Ah! Jean Valjean!) Then! I started in my bathroom, scrubbing the toilet and the shower and the sink, removing all bits and traces of hair dye possible. (It gets everywhere!) And speaking of hair dye, I gathered all the different bottles of dark and aqua blues and hot pinks and deep reds and rich greens and royal purples and put them in my special hair dye basket, which I then put away in a cabinet. I went through my collection of hair products and makeup and tossed out a bunch I never use. I stuffed away some spare hair ties and cotton balls and earrings in the cabinet behind my bathroom mirror. I grabbed my broom and swept up the floor carefully.... lots of dog hair! Otis likes to sleep on my bath mat sometimes. What can I say? She's a weird dog.

Next, I tackled the kitchen! I scoured the dirty dishes in my sink, and jammed them into their rightful places in my cabinets. I brushed all the crumbs and wiped the grease off my oven top, and put all my medicine bottles in the plastic tub I use as their home. I sanitized my cats' litter boxes and threw out a pile of trash. (Are those new bear-proof dumpsters tricky or what??) I dragged my kitchen table out of the nook it lives in and cleaned the whole space out, much to the displeasure of my cats, who were sitting on my window sills, stalking pigeons. I tidied up all the counter tops, returning cereal boxes and bottles of syrup to their rightful places among the shelves. Lastly, I retrieved my broom and swept up the entire kitchen! Crumbs and stray cat litter and random dog crunchers and MORE DOG HAIR.

After that, I tackled my living room! It was already pretty clean, but (to the further discontent of my cats) I ran my vacuum extensively. When I emptied the machine, I was greeted with, you guessed it! MORE DOG HAIR! And some bits of cardboard from my cat's mangled scratching post. I watered all my houseplants using empty vodka bottles that I can't bear to throw away.

(Okay! On a totally random tangent, a while back I found a picture of Alexi Laiho, the lead singer and guitarist of Children of Bodom and whom some people have said I resemble, holding a bottle of vodka that I OWN! I was so excited, I had to send the following pictures to my sister:

Aaaaaaand moving on!)

Finally, I took care of some odds and ends, like storing stray belongings in the basement and placing every clean bit of laundry I have in it's designated area.

And over the past few days, my sister has been an absolute trooper, helping my trim and control my overgrown back yard. It looks incredible!


...and WHY did I clean so extensively? you ask. Well...

MY MAMA'S COMING TO VISIT!! Yeah, that's right! My mom, step-dad Leo, and their Border Collies are driving across country to see us all on this side of the Mississippi. They are in Tulsa as we speak! And I. Cannot. Wait! My sister and I haven't seen our mom since New Years and we miss her like crazy! Emmy and I are even taking time off work. And now our houses are nice and clean for our guests! I gotta say, my place looks so spiffy, I really gotta keep this cleanliness up! I love it.

I'm sure next blog, I'll have lots to tell you about the visit!

WOO-HOO!!

Sarah

Life Makes Me So Sad Sometimes

I logged onto Youtube a little while ago and I was instantly met with a barrage of videos reporting on the terrorist attack on Nice, France. It happened pretty recently, so the death and injury tolls are not exact, but the reporters knew enough to say it was absolutely awful. They are sure that at least 80 have already died, and a great many more are injured. Apparently, there was a large truck just running innocent people down at the waterfront, where people were gathered to watch fireworks celebrating Bastille Day. When the truck stopped, the driver then jumped out and started shooting.

I have never been to France. I don't know anybody in France. But all the same, it just makes me sick! Especially in conjunction with what has been happening here in America lately. I mean, saying the shooting in Orlando was "horrible" is a gross, horrendous understatement. And just the general hate and violence that seems to be everywhere these days.

The cavalier disregard for life is just... staggering.

I know I have a somewhat unique perspective on life, being that I tried to end my own. I was very, very sick and depression just totally messes with your head. But as hateful and violent as I was to myself, I cannot envision ever feeling like that towards other people, let alone actually acting on it. I can't even imagine what would drive a person to be so full of hatred and intolerance, combined with the belief that it was their right to end the lives of other people.

 There is nothing that I can say on this blog that could possibly change anything. I haven't said anything that hasn't already been said a million times. But I'm still gonna say it.

As I said before, I don't personally know any of the Nice victims, or anyone in France. But it still BOTHERS me because I am human.

I haven't yet heard who is behind this attack on France. I don't know what they were trying to prove or accomplish. I know many people say that a lot of the world's violence has to do with religion. Well, I have admitted in the past that I am an atheist and so I can't contribute much to that discussion... all I'm saying is, maybe lets stop blaming our gods and just try to be the best PEOPLE we can be.

Right now I am sitting on my couch in my house with my air conditioner blowing the hot summer air away. My dog, my best friend, is fast asleep with her head on my foot. My cats are tearing around my house, skidding on my kitchen floor. It was my day off work today, and I haven't done much.. I had my monthly blood test done this morning so that I can keep taking my miracle medicine, Clozaril, which has made my life sooooo much better. I am surrounded by family here in Raton, and in just a few weeks, I will get to see my mom and my step-dad Leo, and I CANNOT WAIT!

I have a very good life, and every once in a while, it's good to take a step back and realize it!

Sorry you had to listen to me rant, it's just been building up in me for a long time, and I had to get it out.

My thoughts go out to France!

Sarah

HAIRVOLUTION

Last night I bleached my hair! I do so periodically before I dye it to make my hair color even more vibrant. But every morning that I wake up, look in the mirror and see my bleached hair, I do a raised eyebrows, gasp-y, hands-flying-to-my-scalp, "Whoa!" kinda double-take maneuver because it looks so weird. It looks like my hairline is receding or something. Don't believe me?

But I'm sure some people would say it's no better or worse-looking that way than when I color it the way I want to! Which is (currently, the exact colors change a lot) like this:

I know the first thing most people notice about me when first seeing me would be my hair. Quite understandably! It is quite conspicuous. Some people compliment me on it, a few tease me or laugh at me, and most say nothing at all. 

I KNOW it is not everyone's cup of tea. I know some people think it looks stupid, or too flashy. They think I do it to rebel or for attention, but they're wrong. I do it because it makes me feel prettier. I've been dyeing my hair for half my life now, and the brightness has become a part of me. 

When I was in 6th grade and was so depressed, everything in my life felt dark, and it made me want to appear as dark as I felt. I painted my fingernails black, and if my parents would have let me, I would have worn all black all the time, and dyed my hair pitch black and worn black lipstick.

Do you know what led me to dye my hair the first time? It was just a few weeks after my suicide attempt, and I had just gotten Otis, and I told my mom, "I feel different. Like I'm getting a new start to life. I wish I could do something to mark on the outside how I feel on the inside." And we agreed on hair dye! The first time, she took me to a hair salon in the Pueblo mall, where they gave me a light streak of red that faded out quickly. So! We bought a bottle of teal hair dye from Hot Topic and my mom started dyeing my hair at home- my mom started it, and then my sister helped me for a while, and my friend after that... I'm finally doing it myself! It's been just about every color. And, as the name of the blog is named HAIRVOLUTION, I will give you picture proof of my hair color evolution:

So I still wear black a lot... hey, shut up, it's my color! But now I wear green and gold eyeliner and wear blue jeans just about everyday. And most importantly, my hair has been every color of the rainbow, and seeing it bright and pretty makes me feel the same.

So when I look in the mirror and laugh at the odd bleached-effect, I know it's a small price to pay for having hair that makes me feel beautiful and the reminder that life is colorful too! Not always dark.

I have written before about my scars. (See?) There are some things about ourselves we can't change... and things we shouldn't! But I say if it's something little appearance-wise that you want to change about yourself, do it. My mom dyed her hair blue and she totally rocked it! I feel the same way about tattoos. If it is important to you, you should go for it.

DO WHAT MAKES YOU YOU!

Happy Thursday! (I'm off to dye! haha)

Sarah